mind, body, and soul | lee felix

twelve

Tossing and turning in my bed, I'm having trouble getting sleep to come to me. One minute, I'm cold, and then I'm hot. No position seems right and sleep is determined to evade me.

I sigh and get up, going to sit at my desk. If I can't sleep, I think to myself. I might as well get some work done.

I log into my laptop and reach for the lamp when my hand brushes something soft. The necklace box.

I've ignored it for a while. I threw myself into school and work, not letting myself think about the necklace, Jisung, or even Felix. Whatever happened that day, whatever I saw, I was determined to forget. 

However, even with this thought, my hand still hovered over the box. Looking one more time wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

A little disappointed in myself, I open the box and stare at the necklace. It really is beautiful. I slide my fingers over the intricacies in the silver. The detail on the wings is insane; each feather was individually carved and each one was intertwined with another. 

The sapphire was glittering, even in the semi-darkness. Against my better judgment, I gently rub the sapphire. As the scenery around me changes, I roll my eyes at my stupidity. What did you think would happen? I berate myself.

This time, I'm not in Felix's bedroom. I don't know where I am, exactly. I'm outside. Maybe in a park or something? I'm standing in a field, and I can see the kids playground a few feet away. Turning to the left, I see Felix and me, again. This time, they're joined by a person. I can't make it who it is from this distance.

Felix is arguing with that person passionately, never letting go of her hand. At one point, Felix pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her. I can hear him from here.

"I won't ever stop loving her."

The other me freezes at his words. She looks up at him, but he refuses to look back. Instead, he tightens his grip on other me and stares the person straight in the face. The other me struggles, trying to get out of Felix's arms.

I walk closer, trying to hear the rest of the conversation. As I approach, the other me says something that stops me in my tracks.

"You can't kill him. If you kill him, you have to kill me too." She raises her chin and takes a deep breath, awaiting the person's response. I stare, invested in the scene before me.

"You die." The person says, their voice seemingly coming from everywhere. "Felix lives. You'll have no memory of him or anything." The other me nods, her face unreadable.

"Just don't kill him, please. His worst crime was loving me." The other me's voice gets quieter as she talks, a tear slipping down her face. Felix stares at her, his face crumpling as she reaches her hand out to the person.

Felix whispers something to the other me, causing her to shake my head. Felix doesn't let go of her ever, even when the person approaches her. Felix doesn't let go of her, even when the person touches her forehead. Felix doesn't let go of her, even as her body crumples and she falls to the ground. Felix doesn't let go of her, even when he holds her limp body in his arms and cries.

Gently, Felix leans over and kisses other me's forehead. 

"You did so good, my angel. Time for you to rest now."

I feel tears falling down my own face, and before I realize it, I'm back in my room. I sit back in my chair and start to sob, holding my knees to my chest.

I don't really know the reason for my tears at this point. Felix wasn't lying to me. He really did mean something to me. But do I cry because I have no memory of him before, or because I feel so lost and confused in my feelings?

am i double posting? yes. am i posting a day early? yes. i'm just so damn excited about these chapters ahhh~