mind, body, and soul | lee felix

thirty

I stare at the door Christopher is pointing to, unsure of what to do. My feet move on their own accord, leading me to stand in front of the closed door. Glancing back at him one more time, I place my hand on the doorknob and open it, walking inside.

I close the door behind me and turn around, surveying the room. I freeze halfway, seeing someone standing in front of me.

Emily.

She smiles gently at me as I stare at her, hands by my sides. I don't know how to react, what to say. She's standing before me like she never left; she's more tangible than when Felix brought her, as if she's real. I want to reach out and hold her again. 

"Hi, my star," she says, coming closer. I take a step back, my head spinning. Emily frowns and stops, holding her hands up. "What's wrong?" She asks quietly, her forehead furrowing in concern.

"You..." I say, shaking my head to try and clear it. "You're not supposed to be here?" Emily smiles condescendingly, making me grimace. I always hated when she got that way, especially when she knew something you didn't.

"I am, Reese. It's okay, I promise I'm okay." She took another step forward, encouraged when I don't step away. "Chris is only trying to help you, you know?" I stare at her, not really comprehending what she's saying.

Emily comes even closer, only a foot of space between us.

"Taking you away from Felix is the best thing for you. I know you don't see it now, but he's evil, my star. You remember what I first told you, right? You didn't trust him?" Emily looks at me hopefully, her lips curved into a small smile. 

Shaking my head slowly, I narrow my eyes at her. Something's off, and I don't know what it is. Isn't this hell? How could my girlfriend, the one who cried every time we watched "Coco", end up here? Surely this isn't where she belongs. Right?

Emily nods, misunderstanding me. 

"Good. You shouldn't; Felix isn't who you think he is. I bet he and Jisung lied to you all the time. Kept you in the dark for the longest." Emily is talking, but I'm not really listening. I'm still trying to figure out what's different about her. 

"If you had stayed with Felix," Emily says, making eye contact with me. "You would've forgotten about everything from before. About who you are." She pauses, taking a step closer and grabbing my hand gently. She intertwines our fingers and smiles softly at it. "About us."

I stare at her before it finally clicks. I'm barely able to hold in my gasp. I know what's different.

Emily notices, though, and raises an eyebrow. She brings her free hand up to brush some hair away from my face. Her fingers linger on my cheek, and I have to physically restrain myself from jerking away from her cold skin. 

She's got short black hair, one of the things I love about her. Emily hated long hair; she always said it was too much and got in the way. The thing that's different? She reminds me of someone. She reminds me of Christopher.

"Emily," I say quietly, mind spinning. "You're Christopher's sister, right?" Emily's shocked for a moment, unable to hide her surprise. She quickly gets her bearings, though, and smiles brightly, squeezing my hand once.

"I knew you'd get it, my star." Emily smiles again, but it seems more forced than usual. Cupping my cheek with her hand, she tilts her head.

"What's wrong?" Emily blinks at me, her concern stifling. It almost feels fake, and I can't tell if that's just me, or if it's because of all the lies. 

"I just-" I gesture, moving away from her. "I don't understand. I really, really don't get anything right now. You shouldn't be here, and Felix is good, and I think I love-"

Emily cuts me off, her eyes widening. "You love him?" She scoffs, her smile fading as she looks at me mockingly. "Chris!" 

He enters the door, eyebrows raised. Leaning against the wall, Christopher crosses his arms and looks over at us, smirking a little. Does he ever not have that irritating look on his face?

"Yeah, what's up?" Emily glances over at him, the side of her mouth quirking up.

"Our girl here thinks she loves Felix." Poking out her bottom lip at me, she pouts sarcastically. "But weren't you so broken over my death? How loyal you are." Christopher and Emily laugh together, a hideous sound. I want to clasp my hands over my ears, but I don't.

"Why does it matter?" I ask, confident for no reason. "He's gone anyway." My voice quiets as I speak, looking down at the ground. Emily tilts my chin up, any hint of the girl I fell in love with gone. She looks at me, cold and closed off.

"What makes you think that?" Christopher smirks again and disappears through the door we came in. After a moment, he comes with Felix at his side. My eyes widen as they approach.

Felix is looking down, almost like a kicked puppy with his tail between his legs. Christopher wraps an arm around him, squeezing once as he smiles at me.

"Don't you have something to say to her, Lee?" Christopher's voice is sickeningly sweet, like too much syrup on pancakes. Felix slowly raises his gaze and locks eyes with me. The light in his eyes is gone, his face completely drained of color. Blinking slowly, he looks me up and down before making eye contact with me.

"Angels can't love." 

Felix stares at me, his tone devoid of any emotion. Scanning his face, I can't find the man I know. I look between him and Emily, my heart torn. Here I am, surrounded by the two people I love most in this world, and I can't recognize either of them.

Surely, Felix is lying? He loves me. And I love him.

I just realized it too late.