Feelings On Paper

(hello, old self)

Drinking to feel something, 

despite never liking how stumbly you get,

how the blurriness is too familiar,

and the wobbly feet that trot their way to more.

Smoking to let go,

despite the panic, it settles,

internalizing each thought you wanted gone,

digging the hole inside even deeper.

Vaping to feel part of the group,

seeking for validation,

sacrificing organs that came damaged,

because their approval is better than yours.

Treating life as a task,

taking each accomplishment in vain,

for satisfaction is a sin,

there is always perfection--

Attainable,

at the cost of your sanity.