The new me.

-5-

I slide down the wall, hitting the floor, and bury my head in my knees as I start to sob. So that's all I ever was to him, huh. If he didn't get what he wanted, I was the last resort. What did I even expect? What made me think that he would have been any different to any of my other boyfriends in the past? I was never any good enough for them, so why wouldn't I have been good enough for him? I mean, if were being honest with ourselves, Tadashi was everything I wasn't and maybe even more. He's always had more confidence, in every aspect of life. He was always smarter than I was. Heck, I was lucky if I even passed my classes. He's such a welcoming person, always kind-hearted with others. You feel safe with him, like you can tell him anything. And he's extremely handsome. I could never compare to him. He is perfection. His silky green hair, his light freckles across his cheeks, his warm smile, his sparkling eyes. Everything about him was flawless. Who would want me over him? I would do anything to cut and paste. To be him, so I could have possibly been good enough for Kageyama. I mean I know looks aren't everything but let's be honest no one will love you if you're unattractive.

Back to square one of recovering from yet another guy cheating on me.

*****

I've come to the conclusion that there is one good thing coming out of all of this. I announced to my fans that I was working on a new album and gave them a sneak peek of the first song, 'Training wheels'. And let me just say, they went nuts! They freaking loved it, it was amazing. The feedback was great, and they all seem so excited, which makes me happy. It gave me the motivation to work on the second song of the album. It's basically about feeling like you need to change your looks to be good enough for other people, which definitely does not describe me at all. I know you shouldn't need to change for others but the questions still remains. Why was I not good enough for him? Why did he choose Tadashi over me?

Speaking of Tadashi... I picked up my phone and decided to text him.

Me: Hey Tadashi

Tadashi: Hey Sho... Is there something wrong? Is everything ok?

I could tell he was nervous and taken back by me reaching out, just by the way he was texting.

Me: No no. Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to come over.

Tadashi: Shoyo are you sure?

Me: Of course! Why wouldn't I be?

Tadashi: Well it's just that after everything that happened I'd think you'd hate my guts to be honest...

Me: What happened is exactly what I want to talk about. So come over if you can.

Tadashi: Ok. I'll there soon.

I should be upset with him, but something just tells me it wasn't his fault and that I shouldn't blame him. That's why I want to see him and talk to him. I want to know how it all started. How this whole shitshow came to be. I want to know what really happened before hating both of them. 

Ding dong~ There he is. 

I walk down the stairs to my front door and open it with a smile. He spoke first, "Hi Shoyo..." He said in an uncertain tone. "Hey," I replied, guiding him inside and to the living room. I sat down on the couch, motioning for him to do the same as he stood there, unsure if he should or not. "So I-" He cut me off before I could get another word out. "Shoyo I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," His eyes became watery and his voice was full of remorse. I hugged him tightly. Honestly, we both needed it. "Tadashi it's okay" I said softly, but he wouldn't take it. "No! No, it's not okay. Don't say it is when it isn't!" He began pushing himself away from me, holding me by my shoulders. "It's my fault you and Kageyama aren't together anymore." A tear trickled down his cheek as he let his head fall. I grabbed his face with both my hands, "Tadashi listen to me. I know, it isn't your fault. So how about you tell me how you and him even started going out." He nodded slowly. "S-so I'm going to be honest with you about everything... I always liked Kageyama. Ever since our first year at Karasuno. But I didn't think he liked me, so I never confessed to him. And well I thought right because he asked you out not too long after I came to terms with my feelings for him." This shocked me because I really had no idea he liked Kageyama. I always thought he had a thing for Kei. I nodded, telling him to continue. "Of course, I was so happy for you guys. He found someone he loved, and so did you. I never got in between your relationship knowing how much you loved each other no matter how much I loved him." I'm grateful for that. I nod once again. 

"Well... This all started a few months after we graduated from high school." He paused, and I could tell he was having a hard time getting the rest out. The guilt was all over his face. "It's okay I promise, keep going" I smile. He dropped his head again, fiddling with his fingers, "You'll hate me." "I will not hate you, Tadashi." I said to him, and that was the truth, although I was scared for what he was going to say next, but I let him finish. "Ok... Kageyama called me and told me he wanted to meet up at this café not too far from our school. And I agreed of course, I mean we were friends. But what he told me wasn't anything I would have expected." He began. My brows furrowed in confusion, but I was curious beyond belief. "He told me that you guys had broken up a-and that he realized he had feelings for me," My eyes widened hearing what he said. Tears started forming in his waterline once again. "And my love for him never really went away s-so I told him how I felt, n-not even thinking about your feelings or- or if what he was saying was even true" He let a few tears escape before trying to collect himself. He really said that? I thought to myself in complete disbelief. "That's why I'm sorry. I should have talked to you about it. I was completely selfish, all because of a stupid crush. I'm so sorry Shoyo"

So I was right. He blames himself when it was never even his fault. 

A/N: I'm not a huge fan of this chapter like at all but am I going to post it anyways? yea.