Crooked

reminders

I had crawled into the tub, curling myself up into a ball. It's been hours since he checked up on me. All I could hear was the sound of the leaky faucet.

I let my head rest on the tub. I was scared and cold. After what I had seen downstairs I wasn't even sure if I wanted fall asleep. Let alone leave this bathroom.

I felt helpless, he made me felt that way. I was just so tired, so so tired. I didn't even try fighting back with him anymore. I just felt like it was no use.

I just wanted to be back home. Tears left my eyes as I thought about the times I should have taken advantage of life. 

My eyes didn't stop staring at the ceiling. I could feel my skin grew hotter by the minute.  I let out a huge sigh receiving touching at my neck. I fanned myself hoping that would held me feel better but it didn't.

My stomach grew hungrier but I was too scared to be down there with him. I didn't even want to be around him.

I could hear a knock at the door instead of answering I stayed quiet.

"Valerie get out of the bathroom."

His tone sounded so calm, but then again I know that can be deceiving. He knocked again but this time a bit harder.

"Valerie."

I remained quiet not moving my body an inch.

"I apologized." I could hear him whisper into the door.

"Why can't you just let me go-"

It almost as if I could hear him snicker  to himself. I truly did hate him, but another part of me felt bad for him. I don't know why I just did. It's like I would try not to feel for the things he does for me but I couldn't help it.

"What fun would that be?"

I hugged myself, still staring at the ceiling. I just wanted to be left alone, that's all I wanted.

"Anthony please, I'm scared and I just don't wanna be near you right now."

***

She reminded me of Candie when she said that. I sat down beside the bathroom door, lighting up a cigarette.

As I began smoking I reminisced the moments I had with Candie. She wasn't as difficult as Valerie. Maybe it was because we had more time with each other.

I never thought about what ever really happened to Candice until now. I let my thoughts get the best of me, ignoring my surrounding.

I remembered the first time I first laid eyes on her.

- flashback 5 yrs earlier -

I had been attending these group therapy session, unlike now. I actually considered myself normal.

I was sitting in the back listening to everyone who felt comfortable talk about the horrid events that had happened in there life. Mr. Erron claimed talking, is the first step to a healthy "healing" journey.

But I had always thought of that as a lie, he'd often seem to glance over at me when it was towards the end of our session. I didn't care how many times he looked over at me I wasn't going up there to talk about my past trauma.

It was this day, she came in her long dark colored hair fell to her back. It was her first day in our session and she already wanted to share her story.

I looked down at my hands not trying to make my staring noticable.

"Someone that I've trusted for years in my life, made me feel so disgusted about my body. Made me feel so anxious any time they came around. "

My eyebrows furrowed as she went on talking about this unknown person, she had me curious.

I could see her eyes water as she tries to push through her sentences. Some people start to sympathize, but the more she hesitated the more my curiosity grew.

"Candice, it's okay. It's alright."

She shook her head at Me. Erron giving him a tight smile. She walked back down to take a seat embarrassingly pulling her hoodie over her head.

"Guys I want us to remember, we shouldn't rush our healing. It only complicates things for our future. Take the time you need to really feel what your feeling. I appreciate everyone who decides to speak up today." he says sending a smile toward Candice.

"I hope more of us will take an opportunity next Thursday to share, thier thoughts on life or their story. "

I sulked down into my chair hiding myself so he doesn't look over my way. I didn't like how he'd constantly look at me for not sharing anything, when in reality I didn't have to. I was not obligated to.

As I decided to take the opportunity to leave before the exit got complicated, I saw her doing the same thing as well.

We both kind of collided together, I didn't do this purposely. She looked at me through her eyebrows.

"Can you watch it?"

"Hey, I didn't mean to-"

Before I could even apologize she just walked off, I muttered to myself as I continued walking to my car.

Just as I figured, earlier the clouds were a dark color. I knew it was gonna pour, sooner or later.

As I drove off I saw her again crossing the street carelessly.

What was her problem?
It's like she was purposely trying to get hit.

I beeped my horn at her recieving the middle finger from her. I rode on the side of her slowing myself down.

"Are you good?"

"What are you following me or something?"

My face scrunched up at her insult, she was doing way too much. And it was starting to get under my skin. At first I wanted to apologize. Now, not so much.

"No, I'm not. It's just you crossed the street over there and I almost nearly hit you-"

"Well, why didn't you?" she stop walking looking directly at me with her arms crossed.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

That night was the night I got to hear the rest of Candie story. We barely knew each other, yet she still told me.

After hearing what her uncle did, anytime she ever mentioned him I just wanted to hurt him. I never felt as if I was forced to tell Candice my story.

Candice was my best friend, and my first love. I just wanted to help her, maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe that's where I went wrong at.

She didn't need my help, she didn't need to be trapped here. I had doubts about everything, I just wanted it to stop, to end for her. But I just ended up making it worst.

Yup, like you always do.