𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝘽𝙖𝙙

Chapter 29: Hopelessly in love

♦ ♢ ♦ Kaitlyn ♦ ♢ ♦

I didn't sleep. Couldn't. Not when I was imagining Xavier slipping away from me like sand running between my fingers.

I can't allow that to happen.

I can't.

I'll lose a piece of myself if I lose him. I know he's trying to push me away, trying to show me he's moved on, but I can't accept it. Not when my feelings have been burdening me now, for days. Years.

I get up instead, having slept for four hours after heavy crying. I look like a ghost, but I can't care right now.

Then, a thought hits.

I should have thought of this earlier. I go to the last thread of hope I've got. After this, it'll be truly over, if he doesn't want me.

You're as good as dead to me.

No.

I need to try, just one last time.

♦ ♢ ♦

Early morning practice starts at six, so I've gotten ready with my box and go to school. I won't waste more time. I can't let him throw twelve years away.

Coach Mason is waiting for the boys to come out of the locker room. He takes one look at me, then does a double take, frowning. "Kaitlyn?"

"Coach," my voice is gravel from crying so much. I'm sure I look like an absolute train wreck, but that's how I feel on the inside too.

"Are you okay, child?"

"No," I tell him honestly. "I have a favor to ask."

"Sure," he frowns.

"I need to borrow Xavier for a while this morning," I breathe, trying to keep my tears in. "Just once."

"Of course," he looks at me in concern.

"Thank you," I give him a grateful smile and turn to walk toward the lockers. I open the door, and most guys are almost geared up. They all look at me with wide eyes, but my eyes are on Xavier. And his eyes are still cold. Still distant.

"Get out," I tell all the other boys. They all stare at me, stunned. "Now!"

They all spur into action, grabbing sticks and helmets and file out. Xavier tries to leave too, but I walk in front of him, putting a palm on his chest firmly. He locks eyes with me, and I don't back down, pushing at him until he's forced to walk back into the room.

I lock the door behind myself when all the boys have left.

"What do you want?" Xavier asks.

I want so much. And I'm so tired and exhausted and hurt and lonely. I'm frustrated and in pain, dying from this torment. I want... no, need him. Desperately. More than I could ever want anything in this life.

And this desperation, of trying to not lose him too completely, has me dropping my stuff and pulling him roughly towards me for a kiss. I whimper as our mouths crash, and I force myself on him, force the love that's been building and brewing for years for him. Force my pain away and cling to him for dear life.

He's stunned for only a second, before he groans and his mouth retaliates, kissing me back with equal desperation. I moan, not giving a fuck, and climb him, wrapping my legs around his waist and feel him move, until my back hits the lockers and he obliterates me. Pushes into my body, leaving no space between us.

But he seems to come to his senses pretty quickly, before he's breaking apart from me, and sliding me down his body.

No.