Hidden Secrets

42- Refrigerator light

"papa?"

"Charles?" I look around, the room is pitch black and all I can hear is his voice sounding desperate, practically begging out into the quiet air surrounding us

"Don't leave" this time he sounds almost afraid, his voice cracking the slightest bit

"Charles" I repeat his name, sitting up

"I'm not ready yet" he continues to talk, speaking to who ever is in his dream, or nightmare for that matter, "don't leave me"

"Charles please!" I say my plea louder this time, I know you're not supposed to wake someone up from a dream although i'm not sure why but I can't stand listening to him like this, clearly it works as I watch him sit up, practically shaking

"No, no, no" he starts shaking his head, I can't see him well but I know he's crying, my heart breaks for him, scooting closer I slowly grab his arms, pulling them away from his face so he can look at me

"I'm here, it was a dream, you're here with me" He doesn't verbally answer, wrapping his arms around me, I quickly do the same, pulling him into my chest, my hand runs through his hair massaging his scalp

"He was there, he was here, I-" He doesn't finish his sentence only pulling me closer to him

His head is rested on my stomach, he's now laying between my legs, his arms wrapped around me

"Breathe, Charles please, listen to my heartbeat, can you do that?" I feel him nod his head against me, I don't know how long we stay like that, my hand running through his hair, his head on my stomach following my heart beat, his arms pulling me tighter ever so often to make sure i'm still here, everything begins to blur as I fight myself to stay awake

If I fall asleep then I can't be there for him, what if he needs me and i'm sleeping?

My body takes control over my mind, I don't notice that I had fallen asleep until I'm opening my eyes to light shining through the blinds we failed to close completely before going to bed last night

He isn't awake yet, his breathing still at a steady pace, we didn't move at all, still in the same position as before, bringing my hand up to his fluffy brown hair just as the previous night I subconsciously start playing with the dark strands, looking down at him with a small smile

how do I explain that someone can possibly be cute, pretty, adorable, hot, and handsome all at once?

I've put together what I could understand from yesterday, it had to have been a lucid dream about his father or something along those lines and that makes my heart ache for him, I want all his pain to go away, i'd take it in a heartbeat, he doesn't deserve everything he's been through, he's far to good of a person it almost makes me feel guilty, why would someone like him settle for me? Maybe that's why we still haven't done anything, because he doesn't want to give me false hope, i'd understand that, he's too good of a person for me, I believe it would hurt, but i'd have to respect it, if I can't be strong for him then I really am not good enough.

So that's what i'll do, i'll be strong for him, he's been strong for me countless times, he's kept me above the surface, not just barely but he managed to get me to swim when all I had done before was allow myself to sink, now it's my turn to teach him how to swim