♡love story♡

[Chapter 5] the morning after

Chan didn't wake up in his own room but in a very familiar one. He struggled to recall how he even ended up there and looked around to observe his situation. He was surprised to find the boy he was swooning over snuggled up in his arms. Then memories started to come back to him in pieces.

One particular memory struck out to him the most.
How could I have been careless enough to just.. kiss him?
Just thinking about it made Chan feel sick. He was so scared of losing his friend and what happened last night was a huge risk in his eyes.
He wanted to escape and tried to move without waking Felix but it was already too late.

»Hyung...?«
His voice sounded a little raspy and maybe even a tiny bit deeper than usual.
»What are you doing here?«
He still sounded extremely tired.
»You wanted me to-«
Chan tried to explain at first but suddenly he had another idea.
»You don't remember how we got here, Felix?«
The boy took some time to think, he looked like he tried to fight his sleepiness to focus more.
»Hmmm no... I don't think so«
Chan felt relieved. That saved him a lot of trouble.
»I don't remember either«

Actually, all the memories had fully come back to him at this point but it was easier to lie than to explain. After all, how could he explain, he was just trying to make sure his friend was okay but then he just kinda maybe accidentally kissed him.

Chan felt a little better but was still trying to escape the whole situation. He decided it was best to just leave. He got up and made his way to the door, where he suddenly had some second thoughts.
»Will you be alright, Felix?«
»Mhmmmm«
His response didn't really sound convincing.
»I'll tell Minho to cook you some hangover soup«
Felix didn't reply anymore so Chan figured he was trying to rest.

Chan checked the hallway twice before leaving Felix's room.
He didn't want anyone to see him or talk to him. He just wanted to escape.
But his mission quickly failed since he had to go through the community room to leave.
The two youngest members were already sitting at the table having a conversation.
Jeongin immediately noticed Chan who was still awkwardly hanging around in the hallway.

»Hyung, since when are you here?«
»Uh... actually I just got here«
Chan knew he was bad at lying but he still couldn't think straight.
»Why did you come out of Felix's room then?«
The question came from behind Chan. He turned to see Minho standing further back in the hallway smiling viciously. Chan knew his lie had already been caught before he even said it.
»Have you guys been drinking?«
Seungmin also seemed curious. He immediately knew what happened the day before. Somehow there was no way to trick him, he just caught onto things so quickly.
»Well-«
Chan didn't have another excuse but lucky for him he was cut off by Jeongin.
»You guys were drinking, without us??«

»The two of them obviously wanted some privacy«
Minho still had a weird facial expression while stating his opinion, so Chan couldn't tell if he was trying to be sarcastic or not. Either way, it scared him a little. He wasn't sure what to reply but he was cut off again before he could speak.

»Can you guys stop being so noisy this early in the morning?«
Chan saw Felix stepping into the hallway looking a little better than just a few minutes ago. He hadn't quite come back to his usual energetic self but he was already smiling again, signalizing the complaint he just made was meant to be lighthearted.
»We were just talking about you, Felix«
Minho seemed to take the opportunity to make more of his little jokes that scared Chan.
»Did you have a nice date with your lover yesterday? Is there more going on between the two of you?«
But Felix didn't seem to find him that funny either.
»Come on Minho, stop making things weird, you know we're just good friends«

'Just good friends'...
Felix's words resonated in Chan's mind for a while. He had heard it hundreds of times before and he already knew how the younger boy felt about their relationship. But he couldn't stop himself from letting his thoughts take over again.

He's right. 'Just good friends.' That's how it should be and that's what we are.
Chan already knew they could never be more than friends and he was prepared to face rejection if his feelings were ever revealed. But hearing Felix say it somehow hurt more every time. More than Chan would like to admit.

He didn't purposefully try to hurt me with his words. He's just completely clueless about how I'm feeling. I should be grateful he doesn't know and I should be grateful he's confident in our friendship.

Maybe he even said it to put me in my place. Maybe he noticed how I felt about him and he is telling me to back off.
Maybe he wants me to stop hanging out with him so often or maybe he even remembered last night!!
He is definitely saying this to make me stop liking him.
And he's right.
He's definitely right.
Chan was trying to convince himself of what's better for everyone but he didn't want to listen to his own thoughts. He was having an entire fight with himself in his head over just some little words. His thoughts were getting louder and it was getting harder to hear the conversation that went on around him.

He got so lost inside his own head and only managed to find himself again after leaving the building. He didn't even notice how he got outside and he didn't even remember if he said goodbye.
Chan was surprised at the way he overreacted. He kept trying to convince himself that he had his feelings under control but the current situation was a wake-up call. He knew he couldn't just continue bottling up his feelings. He realized he had to change something but he wasn't sure what or how. He needed time to think.