I wish that the words can somehow go back inside my mouth. Where's my magic fairy that comes and reverses time so I never said what I said?
Shawn stares at me and I try to think of what to say next but am afraid I'll just say something more dumb that what I just said. I continue to nervously play with my fingers and clear my throat. The back of my neck feels hot and I'm sure that if the lights in his car were on he would see how red my face is.
"You..." Shawn begins, "you want to return the favor?"
"Well, don't I have to? Ya know, isn't it like, a common courtesy thing?" I reply.
Shawn narrows his eyebrows and looks at me. "No. You only do that if you know that you for sure want to do that."
"Wait, so you for sure wanted to go down on me?" I ask him.
"Well, yeah." He replies. "I'm really into you."
"You are?" I ask.
"Jasmine...have you ever been with anyone before me?"
"Just two guys. But they were silly little flings. It never got past kissing." I reply.
"So it never escalated sexually?"
"Just one time. The guy said if I really liked him as much as I liked him, I should go down on him first."
"And...did you?" Shawn asks. I look up at him and nod my head and give a small shrug.
"I thought it would make him like me even more. It made him happy, but not me." I say.
"Jasmine...that guy was an asshole. He pretty much pressured you into blowing him." Shawn replies. "I would never do something like that to you. And I only want you to do something like that for me if you want to."
"But...I do want to." I say. "I want to please you."
He slowly shakes his head. "Jasmine, I wouldn't feel comfortable with you doing it. You feel like you have to. Look, I don't want you to feel like you have to return the favor."
"But aren't I supposed to?" I ask.
"No. Who told you that you have to return the favor?"
I play with my fingers and wonder if I should tell him. What would he think of me taking sex advice from Paige? Do I lie and tell him I read it in Cosmo?
"Hey." Shawn places his hand at my thigh. "Jasmine, who told you that you have to return the....? Oh."
"What do you mean?"
"That definitely sounds like something Paige would say. No offense, but don't take sex advice from Paige. I know she's your best friend and all, but don't."
"Why not?"
"Why would you take sex advice from someone who practically forces you into skirts and situations that make you uncomfortable? The night we met, I knew you didn't wanna be at that party. She could probably say she's giving you advice, but next thing you'll know, I might do something to you that you really won't like, but you'll be forcing yourself to like it." Shawn explains.
I feel incredibly awkward and I don't know what to say to him or what to do. He truly did have a point. From the stories I've heard about my old teammates, usually the guy will do the complete opposite of what Shawn just did.
"And I don't want you to be doing that again." Shawn continues. "If you want to, then I'm all for it. But I only what you to want it on your own terms."
"What are my own terms?" I ask him.
"I don't know. It's your terms. What are they?"
"I wanna be comfortable." I begin.
