Because Of You

Chapter 44

After riding Bowie back towards the wall, Levi knew something was off with Carmen. She was usually quiet but had an input on all their conversations. However, now she was completely silent and motionless, as delicate as a drawing. Whatever she had survived had to have been deadly to cause even the most stoic in the squad to resort to sadness. Levi just wished she would talk to him, after all, he assumed the dolls killed her when she didn't show up at the rendezvous point. It was probably why he was so violent when fighting Kenny's squad, they happened to catch him in a moment of despair and in return he responded brutally.

Absentmindedly, the captain averted his attention from Erwin's plan towards Carmen. From what he could observe, she looked tense, unnaturally so. Her hands gripped the horses reigns so tight that her knuckles turned white, meanwhile her hazel eyes were glued to the scout in front of her - Commander Erwin.

Moving his horse closer to hers, he matched her pace and stayed by her side. "You ready to tell me what happened yet." He asked her. Carmen didn't stop glaring at Erwin violently, Levi was beginning to worry for his safety. "Has it got something to do with him?" He asked, to which she finally shifted her eyes towards him and sighed.

"I can't tell you." She eventually said, but he could tell her statement was filled with doubt.

"Why's that?" He pried, she normally opened up to him, so it was strange for her to deny his request.

Carmen shook her head, looking him in the eyes before choosing her next words. "I'm scared that you'd hate me if you knew everything."

The man beside her looked bewildered by her words. He couldn't fathom what she was implying - not after all they'd been through together, not after all she'd told him about her past. Knowing the most about Carmen was something Levi was proud of, but she was hiding from him, he couldn't understand it.

"I could never hate you." He blurted out, not giving it too much thought. Regardless of the rashness, it was the truth, no matter how often he learned something about Carmen, he just couldn't bring himself to hate her.

"You don't know that." Carmen disagreed. "You don't know the half of it." Reluctantly, the woman looked away from him, hoping he'd get the hint and give her a moment alone.

"Try me." The assassin didn't deserve him, he was too kind, too loyal to her.

"Levi." She spoke seriously, if he continued then she wouldn't be able to stop herself from telling him the truth. "I can't."

Despite wanting to know more, Levi took the hint and dropped the subject, reminding himself that it wasn't his place to pry into her experience. Out of everyone, he knew best that if Carmen didn't want to talk, then she didn't have to. She'd already revealed enough to him.

"Fine, but if you change your mind then I'm here." He offered regardless before changing to topic back to business. "Erwin has a plan to take down Rod Reiss, but you're not getting involved. I want you to take a break." His orders were lenient and probably for the best, but Carmen wasn't in the mood to sit back and relax while her friends were risking their lives - it would only make her feel worse.

"No." She shook her head, it wasn't out of character for her to disobey orders, she just hadn't done it in a while. "I refuse to let people risk their lives for me, especially my squad." She denied.

"They'll be fine, you won't be much help in your condition." He argued.

"I told you, I'm fine." It's not like she could tell otherwise. She couldn't see the bruises scattered across her face, or the way she slightly limped when she walked.

"Don't lie to yourself." Levi scoffed. "I'm not referring to your physical injuries. You don't have to keep sacrificing yourself for the sake of everyone else. It's going to get you killed." His voice quietened when he scolded her, not wanting the other scouts to hear what he was saying. Everyone respected Carmen, they didn't need to know how much she was hurting herself just to protect them.