Where We Go | Book Three

24. Don't Fuck This Up

Everyone reunited at dinner and, for the most part, we had been eating silently in the corner of the room. Only the quiet clinking of forks against plates sounded in the dining area with only murmured conversations from the rest of the tables. The last few grains of rice were strewn around my plate, and I had almost given up chasing them around the edge when Ben slipped into the seat beside me. 

At the door, people began shaking off their wet clothes before stepping further inside. Outside the window, the weather had turned and the whole of Land's End was battered with rain and strong winds and the roof began to rattle with the force.

"Rose told me you were arguing with Simon earlier," Ben muttered, ignoring everyone else at the table.

My stare dropped once again to my plate. I had a sudden deep interest in catching the last few grains of rice again. "I wasn't- I wouldn't call it arguing."

He didn't look at me. "What would you call it?"

I hesitated. "It was more of an in-depth discussion."

"Em..." his head turned.

"What?"

"You need to be careful," he said with soft eyes.

I put my fork down. "He thinks believing in God is going to save everyone. That this is all a test to prove ourselves worthy of heaven... I was only debating the other side of it."

"And you thought trying to convert the vicar was the best way to make your point?"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "I wasn't trying to convert him... technically," I tried to defend myself. "If he says enough things like that people here are going to believe him... I mean, what if that's the kind of thing he's saying in his services?"

"That's exactly the kind of thing he says in those services," Ben said. "Which is why I don't think speaking up was the best idea."

"But I-"

He lowered his voice. "I know you didn't ask to be this way," he said, predicting my next point. "But until we figure out the best time to tell them who you are, you can't start arguments that make them question things." He placed a hand over mine. "I know you want to be able to defend yourself. I want to be able to say something too, but even if someone says something that you disagree with, you have to know who you are and be able to walk away... Em, you know I love you more than anything and I just want to keep you safe right now."

For the first time in a while, I could see the features of his face. In the low light, his eyes were sunken and the dark circles beneath them only exaggerated it. His hair was tousled and messy and his nails were bitten down to the bed. Everything about him looked defeated. 

He needed Will.

I exhaled, blinking slowly. "I'm sorry," I said, taking a sip of water. "I didn't know you were the religious type," I added.

He shifted, stretching out his neck. "I'm not," he replied. "Or, at least, I wasn't... I don't know..." he sighed. "When you were gone, I prayed. I never pictured myself as someone who prays but I guess things change... Anyway, I thought I might as well go and say thank you if there was someone up there."

From the entrance, Tom approached quickly and took a seat at our empty table, not saying a word. He stabbed at his food with his fork, taking glances over his shoulder like he was paranoid someone was watching him.

"Good evening?" Ben scowled.

Tom continued looking down at his tray. "I found you a truck," he muttered.

"What?" Ben's eyes widened, leaning closer.

"I got you a truck to go and find that woman," he explained, still not looking at either of us. "If you want it you have to go tonight and be back by morning."