I wish you were a boy

30

Camila's POV

Tears fell rolled down my cheeks as I looked at her casket being put in the grave. My heart has been heavy ever since that day.

I can't sleep anymore. I don't eat or drink anything unless my mother forces me. Which is all the time. Everything reminds me of Taylor. I want to run away from this but I don't want to leave Taylor behind.

Taylor's funeral had just ended. I was standing in front of her grave because I couldn't bring myself to leave. "Camila" Taylor's mom called out for me.

I turned to see her walking towards me. "Yes Miss de Luca?" I asked her. She smiled softly. "She had a letter with your name on it so I just wanted to give it to you" she said as she handed me the letter. She left me alone again.

The envelope was baby pink. It had a finger print heart on the edge. I sat in front of Taylor grave as I opened the envelope. I pulled the letter out.

Dear Camila

I know you're confused and maybe you think you could've changed my decision. I've been dealing with a lot. I just couldn't take it anymore and that is not your fault.

Living the type of life I've lived would've killed me anyways. I was weak. I couldn't handle it and that's ok. It was tough and scary. You were the sunshine at the end of my tunnel.

I was just so tired of chasing happiness. I'm at rest now. I'm at peace. Well I really don't know. I wasn't afraid of dying I was afraid of living.

You made me so happy. I loved every moment with you. From kindergarten to now. I've loved you since we were kids. I wish I could've spent the rest of my life with you.

You have so much more to experience. I hope you find true love and get everything you've ever want. I'm happy I'll never have to witness you fall for someone else.

I want you to know just how much I love you. I love everything about you. I love you with everything in me. You were the bane of my existence. I'm not gone because I've passed away. I'm still here, I'm living in your heart.

Love Taylor

Tears were threatening to fall after I finished reading the letter. "I love you so much Taylor" I cried as I looked at her grave. "And I know you loved me a lot" I said as I tried to hold back my tears.

"I don't think I can ever love anyone else" I said as my tears finally fell. "I miss you so so much" I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. "I don't think I can live without you. I love you too much" I cried.