Beginning Again

Chapter 21 - Crushed Hope

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©Sapphiresamo 

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Chapter 21

Crushed Hope.

I walked past my house on the way to Mary’s. The wind whipped around me as I noticed that Luca’s car wasn’t parked up. He wasn’t home, but my mum was. Her small rusty car was parked in the driveway and the house lights were off. Just the way she had come to like it.

Katherine Thatcher wasn’t always the live-in-the-dark, alcoholic recluse that she is now. She used to be the life of the party; metaphorically speaking. Whenever she used to enter a room it would instantly light up due to her bright eyes, smile and her endless flow of cheesy jokes and antidotes. She was always so popular amongst her friends, but now I’m not even sure she has any friends anymore.

When he died she was so strong, not once did she cry. She organised the funeral, played my dad’s favourite Bob Marley album and gave him the best farewell anyone could give.

Many of our friends and family were worried about her, mainly because she hadn’t grieved. They said she would break, and their words rang true. They tried to help her grieve she just ignored them and continued to say she was perfectly fine.

But then that one night came, when she finally crumbled.

She came to my room that night and just sat on my bed, stroking my hair and mumbling incoherent things. After a moment or so she turned my face so she could look at me and burst into tears.

“You look so much like him…”

I instantly sat up from my bed and wrapped my arms around her, the both of us clinging to each other as we sobbed loudly. Hearing the commotion Luca entered the room, and the three of us huddled together trying to hold onto the memories of Dad that we had.

The next morning when I woke up, I had found Luca’s sleeping form beside me and my mum nowhere in sight. Getting up I wandered downstairs to check where she was and found her slumped on the living room sofa.

Beside her lay bottles and bottles of alcohol; all empty.

“Mum?” I whispered, shaking her slightly.

She looked up warily and then told me to go away. So I did. I assumed this was just her way of coping and left her like that. I assumed that sooner or later she would stop. But she never did.

It got worse. She would come home every night drunk.

One night she came home to find me and Luca cooking dinner. As she burst through the kitchen door she started swearing incessantly. Luca had looked at me in astonishment, not knowing what to do. But then I took the initiative and stepped forward to calm her down.

Grabbing a hold of her, I tried to take her into the living room so she could sit down and hopefully stop swearing. But she refused to listen to me, and in her drunken state slapped me.

Letting go of her hand, I cradled the cheek that was stinging and looked in shock at the person who once used to be my mother. In that moment Luca quickly leaped into action, rushing to the freezer to grab a packet of frozen peas to put against my cheek.

I continued to stand there in shock. Never had my mum slapped me.

I watched as my mum just stood against the kitchen door her eyes trained on my cheek. I watched as realisation seeped in as to what she had done. Instantly she crumbled to the ground and hugged her knees.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” She chanted rocking back and forth with tears pouring down her face.

Feeling the shock disappear from my body, I knelt to the ground. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’m so sorry.” She cried and then started to murmur things.

She sat there for an hour or so, refusing to move as she muttered things about becoming a better person; a better mother to us.

Since that day she had tried to stop drinking, but one way or another she always went back to alcohol. Even now when she tells me shes stopped, I can’t believe her. The hope I had for her was crushed.

Sighing I found myself arriving at the front of Mary’s house. Thankfully she had made it back before me and by the fact that her lights were on, she was waiting for me.