Protecting Cecilia

Feeling not worthy

Song: Tell me how to feel by Maggie Eckford

The rest of the week, people ask me about living in the house at the end of Baker St. The house where the murder took place, how creepy it must be and all. But really nothing has happened so I don't know if I'm supposed to be seeing ghost or maybe become evil from the demon inside the house, but nothing has happened. It's just a house and at least it's a house better than sleeping in the car. However I don't dare tell anyone that. I have heard so many different crazy stories it's hard to believe what is real and what is not.

I only know the main facts are probably real, like the boys were twins, Walker and Weston. They were seventeen and apparently they know their dad did it. They were very popular in the school and in the in-crowed with everyone. Everyone seems to be their friend. They were both in sports and the dad was the type of dad who was at all the games and forcing them to play. No one really knows why he killed them but he did.

When I get to the cafeteria they are already sitting at the table in the corner. I thought about moving on to another table or maybe even go outside or to the bathroom anywhere but here. I honestly just don't like socializing with others. Karina sees me and motions for me to come over. I don't know why I do but I do.

"We are having a party tonight you should totally come. It is at Josh's house."

"I don't know if I can." I tell her.

Ericka rolls her eyes. "Girl you got to come it will be so much fun."

"We can come by to get you," says Jessie, "you are coming."

I shrug my shoulders and reply, "Yeah okay." I might be able to get out of the house depending on the mood my father is in. Maybe he will already be passed out on the chair, but I seriously doubt it, nothing wrong with wishful thinking.

When I get home, I look through my clothes. I have five shirts, three pairs of jeans that contain holes and my worn out sneakers. Clothes that I wear everyday to school, there is nothing to wear to a freaking party. I know my mom might have something but I don't dare ask or go look. I'm playing with my hair when I hear honking outside. So I decide to wear what I have on. I need to tell them to chill before he comes unglued. I really don't want them meeting him.

I run down the hallway to go to the front door when I hear him yell at me. "Where the hell you think you're going?" I stop in my tracks. Do I lie or just tell the truth either way it doesn't really make a difference.

"Out with a few friends; I will be back later." I tell the truth.

He stands up from his recliner and comes charging at me. His hand grabs the front of my shirt and he jerks me so hard towards him and then throws me against the wall knocking the breath out of me. I can smell the reek of beer all over him. "Friends...you have no friends. You are a nobody a worthless piece of shit. Friends my ass." He slams me again harder and glares in my eyes waiting on me to either panic or come up with another story to tell him. I say nothing, what's the point in arguing over it.

There is a knock at the door and he releases me as I sink to the floor. Instead of answering it he goes to the kitchen to fetch another beer. A part of me says to stay put but the other part of me says just go. I force myself to stand up. I try to catch my breath, freaking tears run along my cheek. I smooth out my wrinkled shirt and wipe the tears with the bottom part. I run my fingers through my hair before opening the door.

There stands Ericka and Jessie looking back at me smiling ear to ear. "Well come on already you wasting our party time."

I know I shouldn't leave. I look back to see if he is watching me and he is nowhere in sight so I close the door behind me and walk down the sidewalk to Ericka's car.

Jessie looks over at Ericka when we all get into the car and then turns to me in the backseat. "Cecilia is everything alright?"

"Yeah, just my dad...he makes me so angry at times." If they only knew the real truth I wonder what they would say.

"Yeah...don't they all." She rolls her eyes.

She turns back around and cranks up the radio. I listen to them sing because I don't know the words. In my head I keep replaying the scene from the hallway and thankfully they did not have to encounter my dad, the drunk.

By the time we get to Josh's house, my face finally faded back to its natural color and my tears are all dried up.