Protecting Cecilia

Waking up

Song: Beauty from pain by Superchick

My head rest on the softest texture ever. I feel like I am surrounded by clouds, all fluffy and white. I'm surrounded by pure softness, an amazing incredible feeling. I must be in heaven. I'm not hot nor cold. There is a light weight on top of me as if holding me down in place. A blanket of pure fluff.

My head feels light. I try to open my eyes but the right side refuses to open. The other eye wants to stay closed due to the brightness in the room. It's so freaking bright in here. So I close it back...back to darkness. Someone in the distance is talking loud, sounds of being on a speaker, maybe an intercom. Something about room 216...nurse needed in 216. I hear machines around me. One of them keeps beeping. Beep-beep-beep. Dear lord shut it off. I want it to stop.

My head starts to throb. I didn't succeed. I can't do anything right. His voice echoes in my mind... 'You're worthless,' 'no one cares about you,' 'you can't do anything right,' 'you deserve to get your ass kicked, 'I won't kill you today;' I try to block him out. God I hate him. No one should hate anyone but I do; I hate him.

I hear the door open and people are walking shuffling around the room. One is a nurse, I feel her touch my arm; then walk around the bed. "She seems to be resting well. Everything is going to be ok. I'm going to give her a little something for the pain." I don't see her but I know she put whatever pain medicine in the IV. I hear her walk out of the room.

It doesn't take me long to realize Mrs. Banks voice. She holds my hand. I love the softness of her hand and how when she touches me I feel loved and cared for. "Cecilia I'm here. I'm sorry...sorry for not being there. I wish you would have waited for me in my office." Her voice falters towards the end and I know she is crying. I hear the sadness in her voice along with sniffles and I caused this. Please forgive me for hurting you.

"Mrs. Banks you think she is going to be alright?" Another voice comes from my right side. He is here, but why?

"I do...it's going to take a while but I think she is going to be fine....just fine." She squeezes my hand.

I feel him come closer to the bed. I try to open my eyes but something pulls me under. I know it's whatever the nurse had given me...I dose off.

I wake up later and hear them talking. They are still here. How long have I been asleep?

"I'm going to go get something to drink would you like anything?" Ask Mrs. Banks.

Weston replies, "Water will be fine, thanks."

I hear the door open and close. Weston is still here. His is holding my hand. He starts to talk out loud. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. Will you ever forgive me? I found your note in my pocket. Funny thing is I remember you writing it and placing it there I just forgot."

He is playing with my fingers. "I remember...I remember everything. We talked about the beach; do you remember that? You talked about wanting to feel the sand between your toes. You have never been to the Ocean and I told you I would take you. When you wake up...when you get better I'm taking you. I promise you..." He trails off and I hear a sniffle. He as well has been crying. All because of me.

I feel a tear glide down my cheek, then he moves closer to me. He must be watching me because his hand comes up next to my face and he wipes the tear away. His hand so soft against my skin.

"Don't cry baby...come on open your eyes look at me. I know you hear me...please. I need you to see me. I need you to see that I am here....I'm here."

I force my eyes open to look at him. Well the one eye. His face lights up and he has tears in his eyes. His smile is contagious and I try to smile back at him but it hurts.