Protecting Cecilia

Hallucinating

Song: Try- By Colbie Caillat

Author's note: Warning:This chapter contains self-harming along with physical abuse.

We are on Christmas break from school. Joy. While some might be super excited about the break and Christmas, I could care less. We don't celebrate. Well they drink all night but that is every night. We don't open presents and we don't go and visit family. I can't remember the last time I even got a gift from them.

However I do recall the last present I got from my grandmother. She got me an MP3 Player and I had to take it to school to download songs to it. I still have it and thankfully I just have to plug it in to charge it otherwise it would be useless.

I don't hear from anyone at school, well how could I, it's not like I have a phone or any way of contacting anyone. I try to stay in my room as much as possible, only to leave to use the bathroom and late at night I search the kitchen for something to eat while they are sleeping. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I hear someone knocking at the front door and I try to answer it before he wakes up. Three girls stare back at me.

"Hey we haven't heard from you. Anyway there is going to be a  big party tonight for New Years and you so got to go with us."

"Why?" I ask while shutting the door behind me so they can't see in and he can't hear us.

"You're coming with us." They pull me off the porch.

"But I ..."

They don't give me time to argue.

We go back to Ericka's house and oh my goodness I have never seen anything like it. She has this beautiful two story house and her room is like bigger than our living room. She has her own bathroom attached to her room and her bed looks so comfy and inviting.

We try on clothes and they are all changing in front of each other but I don't have the nerve to do that so I go to the bathroom and change. She is letting me wear one of her dresses. It is black and glittery and has long sleeves to hide my scars. I debate waking back into her bedroom but when I do they all cheer.

"Girl you look hot." "Damn." "Come sit down," motions Jessie.

I sit down and the three of them go to work on my hair and face. I look into the mirror but someone else stares back at me. This girl is pretty, almost flawless, except the eyes, they know the truth of the girl on the inside behind the fake mask she is wearing.

An hour later we get to the party and it's the same crowd as before. I join the girls with a cup in my hand drinking vodka...no beer for this girl. Before I know it we are passing around a joint.

My mind is foggy and I keep stumbling everywhere I walk. I think I only had two drinks but then again who is counting. I walk down the hallway and see a door open. The bed looks so comfy and I throw myself on top it.

I wake up to someone on top of me. Whoever it is, is trying to pull the dress up. I push him away but his hands hold me down. He is strong. I try to get a good look at him; to see who it is that is trying to overpower me.

I go to scream out and his hand comes slamming across my mouth. "Shhh." He says quietly.

A part of me wants to fight him off, the other part of me doesn't. I actually feel alive. Wait I don't want this to be it; it can't be...so I start fighting him off and before I know it I feel vomit rise in my throat, I'm puking all over him. He immediately gets off of me and I see him. Blake!!!

What is it with the boys in the school? It's like they want a little piece of ass and toss it aside like it means nothing.

I walk out to the main room and everyone is staring at me. I start to hear them calling me names. 'tramp, slut, bitch, hoe...' you name it they said it all I just can't focus on one at a time.

Ericka comes up to me. "How could you; I bring you to this party to be like one of us and you screw Blake....really."

"I didn't..." I shake my head. I see Blake talking with Max and then I realize this was just a set up, jokes on the new girl.  I'm screwed no matter what so it doesn't matter what I say and what the truth really is. I'm an outcast here; a nobody.

She jerks my arm. "I want my dress back take it off."

"Ok" I start to walk away.

"Now Cecelia...I want it now."

"I said ok." I turn to go back to the bathroom and start taking the dress off. I open the door just enough to throw the dress out in the hallway. I close the door back and lock it. I'm standing there in my panties and my torn bra. I look into the mirror, make-up smeared on my face. I try to wash some of it off. I can't help but not notice all the bruises along my thin body and the dark shiny one in the middle of my chest from earlier with him.

I look around and find a thin robe and pull it on then tie it. I will return it later...maybe. There is a small window above the toilet and I know I can fit through so I go for it. There is no way in hell that I am going back out there in front of all of them.

When I get home the lights are out, thank goodness. I make my way to the bathroom in the dark. I am about to shut the door when a foot stops me from closing it all the way. He forces the door back open.

"What the hell is this shit all over your face?" He grabs my jaw jerking me up closer to his beer plastered breath.

The make-up that the girls put on me is smeared down my face where I had tried to clean it off already but it still shows traces.

"You look like a whore; wash that shit off." He reaches over and grabs a washcloth and throws it at my face. Then turns the hot water on and you can see the steam come up from the sink. His hand tugs on the back of my head and he is forcing me under the hot water. I start to scream from the burning sensation along my cheek.

He is not done with me though. He pulls me back forcing me to fall to the floor and no sooner than I can grasp the concept that I'm down, his belt hits my backside. I turn to cling onto the side of the bathtub. I don't know how many times he hits me over and over again. When he has had enough he leaves.

I lay there for hours before pulling myself up to sit on the toilet. I'm staring out into the open when I see the shinny blade glaring back at me, begging for me to touch it. I crawl to my room with the razor blade in my right hand.

I lock the bedroom door and crawl over to the far corner. Light from the moon streams in one small space and that's where I sit.

I'm a nobody. A worthless girl that no one cares about. Just when I thought things would change and I would fit in...with friends I was wrong. I know come Monday I will be the loser, a nobody all over again. I should just end it now. Why bother..My parents hate me; people all around me hate me. I have no reason why to live.

My hand does not shake this time as it holds the nice piece of metal. I cut a long line from the bend of my arm all the way to my wrist. Letting the blood drip calmly to the hardwood floor.

I'm about to make another cut right beside it..Parallel lines so perfectly straight when something grabs my hand. I look up and eyes are staring back at me, into my soul.

I let out a faint scream..

He holds his finger to my lips. "Shh! He will hear you." he whispers.

Am I hallucinating? What the hell. He holds out his hand.

"Hand it to me, don't do this. They are not worth it." I see his eyes and they are full of concern.

I start to shake as I hand him the razor. It falls through his hand and hits the hardwood floor. I'm losing my mind.

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Well who is the boy that is trying to save her? More in the next chapter-stay tuned!!!