Our Time (BILLIE EILISH)

- O n e h u n d r e d & f i f t y e i g h t -

i know everything i wanted is for finneas, just go along with it.

Billie: "Okay, so we're here to celebrate Maddie and I wrote a song about her because I missed her while I was on tour. But yeah, this is called everything I wanted."

She started the song off with her infamous humming, and it was peaceful as hell.

"I had a dream."

"I got everything I wanted."

"Not what you'd think."

"And if I'm being honest."

"It might've been a nightmare."

She looked at me the entire time and I have never felt more special.

"I had a dream."

"I got everything I wanted."

"But when I wake up, I see"

"You with me."

"And you say 'as long as I'm here no one can hurt you."

"Don't wanna lie here."

"But you can learn to."

"If I could changed the way you see yourself."

"You wouldn't wonder why you're here."

"They don't deserve you."

...

She finished the song, and she mouthed I love you to me and I mouthed it back. She makes my life so much better, I have no clue what I would do without her.

We didn't leave each others side the whole night, and we both had so much fun. We caught up, but I don't know something's just not clicking. It's like, I still love her, and I still wanna be with her. But since she was on tour, I wasn't like fully invested in her.

That sounds horrible, but I kinda took a break from what we had. That's what she did too, but I don't wanna fully jump back into it until we're on tour. It's not because I don't want to, I want to, but I just don't know what she wants to do and she still doesn't know I'm going on tour. So she thinks that she'll see me in New York, on the 24th. But really she'll see me on Monday.

Billie and I were sitting at our own table, everyone has pretty much left due to the fact it's one in the morning. I'm tired as hell too, I yawned and Billie noticed.

Billie: "You tired shorty?"

I nodded, "We should walk back to the hotel, so we can talk more. Because I'll fall asleep if we Uber there."

Billie: "I'm down, you wanna head out now?"

I nodded, she laced our hands together, there wasn't going to be any paparazzi because it's one in the morning and no one's looking for her. The press has really never been issue.

Maddie: "How long have you been writing that?"

Billie: "I started writing shortly before I went into the hospital, and I finished in like a week. Then I didn't record until right before I left for tour. I was gonna give you a flash drive or something like that, so you could listen to it. But I didn't wanna do that, because this whole tour things been easier than I thought it was gonna be. Do you feel the same way?"

I thought about how I wanted to answer this, "Yes and no, I mean I wasn't always worried that you weren't telling me the full truth and I didn't wanna pressure you into telling me how you really felt. But I didn't wanna spend our time, picking at you, trying to get you to tell me how you really felt. But then I talked to your mom and she told me that you're going through it, but you'll get through it and I knew you would. Then on our calls you sounded okay, and I didn't think you would lie to me. I don't think you did lie to me. But to answer your question, I do feel the same way, I think the hardest part was the breakup part. But we were both doing other things, and our minds were taking off of it. But you were always on my mind still."

Billie: "The breakup is what really affected me, and I thought that was gonna make the whole thing hard. I'm doing okay, I just have a hard time sleeping at night because you're not there. But I'm doing okay. Something else is up though, what is it?"

How can this bitch see right through me?

Maddie: "I'm confused."

Billie: "What are you confused about?"

Maddie: "Are we still on our break?"

Billie: "What do you wanna do?"

Maddie: "What do you wanna do?"

Billie: "Tell me what you wanna do."

Maddie: "No, because you're gonna change your answer due to my answer."

Billie: "I mean it's clear neither of us want anybody else but each other, but you could find someone else. Because you deserve someone that's there for you the entire time and doesn't have to travel the world for a living. What do you wanna do?"

Maddie: "We shouldn't put the label back on until after tour, from when we- I mean you get back. And get it through your head. I do not want anybody else but you."

Billie: "Why did you say when we get back from tour?"

Maddie: "I was talking too fast, I didn't mean to." Billie's face fell from the smile that she had on.

Maddie: "Do you think I'm the same person I was when you left?"

Billie nodded, "I was on the plane, and I was like 'what if she doesn't wanna see me, what if this and that' but I knew you wanted to see me after the call last night. I talked to Kenzie while you were at your photoshoot and we planned it all out."

Maddie: "You're perfect."

Bille: "You're perfect."

We walk into the hotel, and up to my floor. I got my keycard out of my purse, and I scanned it. I walked in and immediately sat on the bed, taking off my heels. My feet hurt like a bitch, tell me how Billie's little suitcase was already in here. God Kenzie and her are a good ass team and they're sketchy as hell.

Maddie: "I'm too tired to change."

Billie: "But you have to, you're not gonna be comfortable."

Maddie: "Will you bring me the hoodie and shorts in the bathroom?"

Billie: "Of course."

She came back with my hoodie and shorts in her hand. I put the shorts on and then put the hoodie on over my dress. She watched me struggle to unzip it.

Maddie: "Are you just gonna stand there and watch me struggle, or are you gonna help me?"

Billie: "I mean I guess I could help." She said playfully.

She took my hair, and moved it to the side. Her fingers lightly touched my upper back, trying to find the zipper. I could feel the goosebumps form.

She slowly pulled the dress off of me, once it got down to my feet. She picked it and put in on my suitcase, she smiled at me. I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my skincare, Billie came in with me and she wrapped her arms around my waist and nuzzled her face into my neck.

Billie: "I missed you."

Maddie: "I know."

Billie: "I don't know about your ego though."

Maddie: "Girl, you got a bigger one."

Billie: "Sure shorty."

She kissed the top of my head and walked out of the room.

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this date they go on, buddy let me tell you.

thanks ily

words: 1238.