ALIVE

19

Shawn POV

This apartment hunting is finally looking up for me. I've found the perfect apartment for myself just twenty minutes away from Beyonce's apartment which means it ain't that far from Ryan. My landlord has to make the final touches on my lease and I'll be ready to move in the place in about a week or two.

I'm glad the media is no longer on my ass about the break up thing. Now I can go to more public places without people snapping pictures and asking stupid questions. With that said, I love spending most of my working hours in this lovely café.

"Here are your fresh out of the oven chocolate chip muffins and your cappuccino Shawn," one of the waitresses said as she placed my order on my table.

"Thank you Anna," I smiled at her as I moved my laptop to the side to make room. I'm now a regular at this place. All the stuff members know me and they are so nice to me.

I enjoyed my muffins and cappuccino in tranquility then I left the café and went back to Beyonce's place.

I got inside and headed for my room so that I can do my laundry and clean up the kitchen that I left a mess when I left this place. Once I was done I got a glass of water in the kitchen to quench my thirst.

I heard the front door opening followed by shuffling.

That's odd. No one is suppose to be home since Ryan isn't out from school yet.

"Oh, hi Shawn," Beyonce said as she got inside the kitchen. By her pantsuit she must be from work.

"Hey," I said giving her slight nod as I watched her roam around the kitchen. "What are you doing home early?" I asked her as I sat on one of the kitchen stools.

"I finished work early so my boss told us to go home," she said getting herself a bag of Lays from the cabinet.

I'm not used to Beyonce taking orders from anyone. She used to be her own boss but I'm still proud that she's slowly working her way to the top.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"You just did," she said then she dug her hand into the bag of chips as she leaned against the counter.

I sucked my teeth as I stood up and went to her. I stood in front of her then I dug my hand in the bag of chips and I started munching on them. "I'm serious Bey," I said then I looked at her. "Are you mad at me?"

She sighed and put the chips on the counter then she removed the crumps on her face and shirt. "I'm not mad at you," she said as she kept fidgeting with her fingers while her eyes roamed around.

I shrugged. "I mean, you compared me to Don and called me a terrible father. I'm pretty sure you're mad at me," I said.

She slowly shook her head. "I didn't mean it and I'm truly sorry Shawn. I know I hurt your feelings and all. There's just no excuse for the way I talked to you," she said looking up to me.

"Its alright. I'm still getting use to this fathering thing so bare with me okay?" I said and she nodded as she smiled at me. "Now give me a hug," I said and she wrapped her arms around my neck and I did likewise to her waist.

I took in her heavenly scent as I buried my face in the crook of her neck. I just want to hold Beyonce and never let her go and the only way to do that is by winning her back. I want her back in my life as my lover and not just a baby mama. I want her and Ryan in my life so that I can love and cherish them for all eternity.

I then felt her slowly pulling away from the hug but her arms were still intact. I moved my face with my hands still resting on her waist and I stared deep into her hazel eyes. I then felt her lips smash into mine and I immediately kissed her back. My hands roamed her body until they reached her fat ass and I gave it a slight squeeze.

"Damn ma," I mumbled in the kiss as I held her waist and picked her up and sat her on the counter top still lip locking.

Kissing Beyonce again felt like fireworks pulsing through my veins. For the fist time in forever I actually feel alive.

As we continued with our make out session, I pulled her away from the counter and she wrapped her legs around my waist. We finally parted to catch our breath. We breathed heavily as we smiled at each other.

"Don't drop me...daddy," Beyonce bit her bottom lip as she smiled from ear to ear.

"Never baby girl. Just hold onto me and you'll be fine," I assured her as I carried us to her bedroom. "You look beautiful as always," I said as I stood in front of her bed and I pecked her lips with her still in my arms.

She blushed. "Thank you," she shyly said.

I gently laid her on her bed and I crawled then hovered above her with her legs still wrapped around my waist.

"I missed being this close to you baby girl," I smiled as I rubbed the side of her thigh then I pecked her lips.

***

Beyonce and I laid in silence next to each other. I slowly stroked her arm as she laid her head on my bare chest with her leg flung over my waist.

"You feeling cold ma?" I asked since we were both in the nude.

She chuckled as she traced circles on my bare chest. "Nah," she smiled looking up at me and I pecked her soft lips.

"Why don't you start your own business again?" I looked at her and she stared at me blankly. "Look, I fucked up when I gave Gwen all your liquidated assets. I should have invested the money wisely, I'm sorry."

"There's no use crying over spilt milk," she said bluntly. "About the business thing, I'll think about it."

"Just know that you are the bomb baby. You have a bomb ass job, some bomb ass mothering skills and a bomb ass pussy," I said and she busted out laughing. "You also have the most cutest laugh. How do you feel by giving us a chance again?" I said and she arched her brow.

She sat up straight and I did the same. She placed her hand on my cheek. "I'd love that but we can't be in a relationship," she said and I felt my heart sink.

I held her hand which was on my cheek. "Why? Don't you love me?" I asked staring at her.

"I do love you Shawn but that's not enough to make a relationship work. We have to go back to the drawing board and start things from the beginning. Its been ten years Shawn and although we've known each other for years that ten year gap makes a huge difference. We've changed and we need to get to know each other all over again," she said softly then she pecked my lips.

"I hate it when you're right," I said and she chuckled. "I hear you ma. I seriously want you back in my life and I'm willing to do whatever it takes," I smiled at her. "Let's go shower," I got out of bed.

"Together?"

"Yep. I know its gonna be a while before we become this physically close to each other so I'm making the most of it," I said holding her hand. "You should really change those sheets before I go pick up Ryan from school."

She laughed then we both went to take a shower together.

I'm happy that Beyonce is considering us getting back together. This time imma pray for strength so that I won't fuck up and hurt Beyonce and Ryan. Imma become the better man for myself and a man Beyonce deserves.