Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 2

The Hargreeves sat in the living room with a tense silence filling up the room as every second passed by. They hadn't seen each other in a long time and none of them were really looking forward to so. They had a complicated history.

Klaus was the only one making noise as he clinked the many liquor bottles together and poured something for himself in the bar a few feet away.

Y/N was sitting on the couch cross legged and picking at her nails, before she accidentally pulled too hard and broke it, earning an unamused huff from Allison beside her.

"Um. I guess we should get this started," Luther said as he stood up.

Y/N looked away from her nails and up at Luther.

"So, I figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown," Luther continued with a shrug. "Say a few words, just at Dad's favorite spot."

"Dad had a favorite spot," Vanya asked.

"You know, right under the oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?"

"I think that's pretty self explanatory," Y/N said with an annoyed undertone. "Daddy's boy," she whispered, rolling her eyes.

"Right you are, Y/N. Anyways, will there be refreshments? Tea? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner," Klaus said as he came back to the living room with a glass full of some kind of alcoholic drink and a cigarette in another hand.

"What? No. And put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here," Luther ordered.

"Is that my skirt," Allison interrupted.

Y/N looked down at Klaus's waist and indeed, there was black leather cloth wrapped around his hips.

"What? Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know, but it's very breathy on the bits," Klaus made a gesture around the place where the sun doesn't shine.

Y/N let out a huff similar to a dry laugh before Luther cleared his throat and he continued his speech.

"Listen up. There's still important things that we need to discuss, all right?"

"Like what," Diego questioned.

"Like the way he died," Luther said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

Y/N sighed and looked back down at her nails. "Luther, I was here, and I told you that he died from a heart attack. Can't that go through your thick skull?"

"Yeah, according to the coroner."

"Well, wouldn't they know," Vanya was confused.

"Theoretically," Luther answered.

"Theoretically," Allison leaned forward in sought interest.

"I'm just saying, at the very least, something happened. The last time that I talked to Dad, he sounded strange."

"Oh, quelle surprise," Klaus gurgled on his drink spraying it everywhere.

"Strange how," Allison ignored Klaus.

"He sounded on edge. Told me to be careful of who to trust."

"Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man who started to lose what was left of his marbles," Diego said as he stood up from his armchair.

"No. He must have known something was going to happen," Luther argued. "Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need to you talk to dad," he turned to Klaus.

Allison scoffed and Klaus shook his head.

"I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, 'Dad, could you just...stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?'"