Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 50

"What took you two so long?"

Luther sat with his arms crossed over the table and thighs squeezed together in effort to make some room for the two. Older Looking Five was still no where in sight. Along with his briefcase.

Y/N sat herself down back at her seat and shrugged nonchalatly while Five gave a nasty glare towards the boys bathroom.

"He isn't back yet? There was just a whole beggining, middle, and end on the other side of the restraunt while he's still hogging the accessible stall."

Luther leaned back in suprise. "How did you know that?"

Five clenched his fist and sat on his other side. "It's what I would have done."

Y/N clenched her jaw and crossed her arms as she too stared at the bathroom door. Who knows, maybe he already found a way out of this situation by taking himself and the breifcase somewhere else. Kennedy, the grassy knoll...you name it. Suddenly, a wicked stench found its way to Y/N's nose and she scrunched it up in disgust. Five was still sweating, farting, and being a hormonal teenager. Y/N thought back to their moment in the bathroom and sighed. It seemed that any romantic encounter with Five was a result of some kind of influence in his body. Last time he was drunk, and this time he had a hormonal power boost from the paradox phychosis.

So, the only bright side they have seen in the past few weeks was that Older Looking Five still hasn't left.

"I think we're doing pretty good. When I went to check up on him, he seemed nervous, on edge. I guess that we are really getting to him," Luther flashed an idiotic grin and leaned back in his chair, bringing his arms up to his head.

"Or, he's finally suffering paranoia. Which means..."

Both Y/N and Luther turned to look at Five who was biting his nails and staring at the bathroom corner as if it were about to grow horns and a tail.

"Five, are you feeling alright," Luther asked, leaning forward to get a good look at him.

"What? I'm fine," he snapped.

He certainly isn't fine, Y/N thought. His usual laidback aura seemed to have twisted and turned ever since they got out of the bathroom, molding into something that radiated 'touch me, talk to me, look at me, I'll send you six feet under.' It was even making Y/N queasy, more unlikely than the first.

After what seemed like a forever of Five's stenches, older Looking Five finally exited the bathroom, briefcase in hand, and game face on. At least, that's what it looked like. You really couldn't tell under all that wrinkly skin.

"We good," Five asked, perking up at the sight of his other self.

"We're good," Older Looking Five answered, tilting his head. "You got a deal. We gotta hurry. Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour until showtime."

Five shot up from his chair and Y/N sighed as she did the same, finding herself beside Luther as she quirked an eyebrow at his unusually pale face.

"Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden," Five questioned, suspicion laced in his tone.

"Relax. You're getting paranoid," Older Looking Five teased as his younger looking self glared at him, pleased to know he was slightly taller.

The boy scoffed and chuckled as he took a step closer to look down at him. "Oh, am I?"

Both of the Fives farted loudly as Y/N scrunched up her nose and took a couple steps back before gagging and pulling on Luther's arm.

"The gas. The paradox psychosis is on a roll," she muttered.