Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 22

"Get up," Diego yelled as he kicked Hazel in the face two times.

"You know, before you kill him, you might wanna hear what he has to say."

Diego ignored Five and continued to beat up Hazel, who kept looking in Y/N and Five's direction, thinking that they were gonna step in and stop Diego. But, they stayed glued to their seats.

There was the clink of metal going against itself and Y/N saw a knife in Diego's hand.

"I'm gonna kill you for what you did to Patch," he seethed.

Diego swiped at Hazel who yelped and jumped the other way just in time.

"Or don't. See how that goes," Five mumbled.

"Are you gonna-" Hazel started before he replaced it with a yell when Diego stabbed his knife into his thigh.

Y/N sucked in air through her teeth and Five had a somewhat similar reaction.

"That's got to hurt," Five drawled out, as if he were a commentator in a game.

Hazel restored himself and pushed Diego's head, pulling the knife out of his knee.

"Diego, you might wanna stop-"

"Not until I've avenged Patch and all the other people he's killed," Diego replied.

Five and Y/N continued to watch as Hazel and Diego threw punches at each other but they stiffened when Diego took a bite on Hazel's ear.

"Ew," Y/N scrunched up her nose as Five spatial jumped behind Diego with a glass case. He threw it onto Diego's head as he fell on the ground, groaning.

"I draw the line at biting," he sighed.

Y/N walked next to him and kicked Diego's figure. "Did you kill him?"

Five only shrugged and walked pass Hazel who was still standing in the middle of the room catching his breath and he spit out some blood.

"Hazel, whatever you came here to say, I suggest you make it quick," Five glanced at Diego. "Before he comes around."

"I left my partner, quit the commission, came to volunteer," Hazel explained. "To help stop the apocalypse."

Five chuckled while he took a sip of his drink. "Hm."

"What? What on earth could be so funny to you now," Hazel asked.

"Before I answer that, why do you wanna help us," Five questioned.

"Let's just day I have a vested interest in a doughnut shop," Hazel looked at his hands.

Y/N frowned. "What?"

"You heard me right."

"Okay."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, pal, but you're a day late and a dollar short," Five smiled. "The fact that you're here right now seems, without a shadow of a doubt, the apocalypse is over."

"Really? How do you know," Hazel asked skeptically.

"The mark is dead. Found him this morning. You were the last known unknown left in the equation," Five explained.

Hazel chuckled merrily. "Really?"

"Yep," Y/N nodded.

"And...if you're out, then Hellrider ain't riding."

"Oh," Hazel said as he breathed deeply. "All right."

He laughed once more as he joined Five and Y/N at the bar. He took the whole blender Five made the margarita in and he gulped it all down.