Sarcasm-Five Hargreeves x Reader (The Umbrella Academy)

Chapter 51

Older Looking Five placed down his briefcase in front of the fence, letting out a huge fart as he bent down.

"Flatulence. Stage four," Luther breathed worriedly.

Five itched his neck from beside him as he nodded furiously. "See? What's your plan now, bucko?"

He also let put a lengthy fart, causing Y/N to scoot away from him with her nose plugged and Five sending out a death glare in her direction before he looked back to Luther who was already staring at him.

"That was just lunch, alright? Shut up."

With that, Five waddled away in effort to hold back and more slips...but that was put to no avail for with each step he took, a new and reformed gas came out. This only left Luther and Y/N in the aftermath of Five's warzone. They were really fighting with some real chemical warfare there.

~~~

Older Looking Five pulled a pistol from the inside of his jacket, eyeing Y/N over his shoulder as clicked open the cylinder and loaded it slowly, staring at Y/N each time he dropped the bullet into the chambers. She shuddered as he slammed the radio next to him with a needless amout of force. She could already feel the homocidal rage.

"This is my favorite part," he said quietly, squinting his eyes at the scene. "The calm before the storm."

Behind him, Luther was staring at Older Looking Five weirdly, Five was breathing heavily, and Y/N was brainstorming ways to get the briefcase without sealing her fate.

Five seemed to be doing the same too, just in a little more....psychotic way. Y/N could tell by that look in his eye. She shuddered once more.

"Look, the briefcase," he huffed, clenching and unclenching his fists as he shifted back and forth.

Y/N's head snapped back to Five who was just about to lunge forward before she pulling him back by his blazer to prevent him from doing anything stupid.

"Don't. You know well you won't be able to get there in time," she whispered.

Five slapped her hand away and looked at the briefcase with a crazed expression. "Of course I will..."

Luther rolled his eyes and stood on his left with a carefree posture while Five looked maniac-ish and desperate beside him.

"Remind me...hat was the final stage of paradox psychosis again," Luther asked, leaning towards Five.

"Homicidal rage," Five answered through bared teeth as Y/N sucked in air through her teeth.

"Right," gasped Luther as he smiled in remembrance. As soon as it came, it went. Luther's smile dropped as he looked to his side at a glowering Y/N.

"That's great. Best thing we need right now!"

Five hunched over more as his muscles tensed and he started to walk over to his Older Looking self eagerly, leaving an annoyed Y/N and worried Luther as he sighed and softly urged him to return to not blow their cover.

But before they knew it, Five spatial jumped to his adult self, though he had seen the boy creeping up to him from the corner of his eye, so he also spacial jumped, away from his younger self.

"Oh....shit," Luther muttered.

Five stared at the fence in shock as he heard a click from behind him, turning to see Older Looking Five pointed the pistol to him.

"Bad idea, shit-heel," he hollered as Five turned to him.

Luther muttered to himself angrily before he walked up to Older Looking Five pried the gun out of his hands.