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summary: y/n has struggled with anxiety her whole life and for a while, she can control it. but when work and her personal life becomes unbearable, she can't control her panic attacks at work. _____________________________________ everything was slowly falling apart. it isn't often that happens. yes, anxiety takes a big part of your life and it feels as though you're in a car and anxiety is the driver, taking you for bumpy rides and stressing you out. but most of the time you're able to keep it under control and you never have bad episodes or days like you used to.
but with work everyday due to foyets escape, apartment hunting with spence, the stress of your family issues that seem to increase everyday, it's getting harder.
**
"y/l/n, i need that report about the night with foyet and the report for the last case" hotch calls out from his office before closing the door, adding more work to your already extreme work load.
ever since what happened with foyet, hotch as been on careful watch by straus and the director, making him more hard on everyone else. everyone has had to take on extra work, stay later. but you, you've had it harder. just because you've been here longer than anyone else. you're now approving out intern applications for the rest of the profilers, consulting on cases and giving your 'expert' opinion. all that along with your regular paper work after cases, you're swamped and barely have any personal time. you should be talking to hotch about it but in his current panicky state, you don't want to risk your job.
"yes sir" you whisper out to no one, turning to look at all the files on your desk.
just as you're about to get started on a file, you receive an email. opening it you realise it's from the realestate for one of the apartments you and spencer were interested in. your hopes are soon crushed when you read the first line, "we regret to inform you"
this is the fourth apartment you guys have got rejected from. you don't know why, you both have amazing previous renting records and in your opinion, you're excellent tenants. you guys didn't exactly have to move into a whole new apartment, but you wanted somewhere fresh where you could both have new experiences together, make new memories in a completely new place to you both.
you sigh and rest your head in your hands, another email popping up on your computer, this time from strauss.
you read it quickly, another thing added to your already busy day.
she wants to meet later.
this isn't good.
as you attempt to start your work again you feel your chest start to tighten, the first sign in your panic attacks. you try to calm yourself down, tapping your fingers 5 times before placing your palm on the table, starting again. it isn't working.
you lean back in your chair, breathing repeatedly.
this isn't working either.
you get up out of your chair, grabbing your phone and and rushing into an empty conference room. you close the door and slide the down the wall in the left corner, placing your head in your hands after quickly calling spence. you couldn't see him in the office and he's the only one who knows how to effectively calm you down.
"hey you'll never guess what-" he starts off enthusiastically.
"spencer, it's h-happening" you whimper out, rocking back and fourth.
"okay, i'm coming, where are you?" he asks, his breath picking up.
"i-i don't know- an- an empty conference room... n-near my office" you whisper out.
"alright, i'm nearly there, alright? just hold on" as soon as he finishes, the door opens and he comes rushing in, crouching down near you.
"alright, remember what we did last time? every time you breathe in, you tap your foot. can you do that?" he asks, smiling when he sees you nod.
you keep doing that foot tapping, your breath starting to return to normal.
"that's so good, baby" he praises you, gently kissing your forehead.
"we didn't get that apartment on swiss street" you tell him.
he smiles, "i don't care, because we got the penthouse!" he exclaims, a large smile taking over his face.
"no- no way" you're in disbelief.
the penthouse is a double story 'apartment' in the more rural part of the DC. you and spencer both fell in love with it and immediately applied for it. you guys also applied for a other smaller apartments as a back up incase you guys didn't get it.
you can't believe you actually got it.
"are you serious?!" you reclaim, jumping into his arms, your panic attack long forgotten.
"we'll talk more about that apartment later, what caused your panic attack baby?" he asks as he rests your head in his chest, both your backs against the wall.
"work, stress over the apartments. hotch is giving me the most work than anyone just because i've worked here longer and he trusts me- don't get me wrk g i'm glad that he trusts me but... it's too much work" you admit honestly.
"i think you should talk to hotch, explain that the extra work is too much on your regular case load along with your personal life" spencer suggests.
"i plan on it, soon... i like this" you sheepishly admit as you snuggle closer to spencer.
he chuckles, beginning to run his fingers through your hair.
**
"come in" hotchs voice calls out.
you open the door and close it behind you, taking a seat in front of him.
"we need to talk" you begin.
"alright?" hotch hesitantly asks
"i understand that you're under a lot of pressure from strauss and the director to catch foyet and that you're being watched very closely... but you can't- you can't," you try to think of the word, failing.
"i can't what?" he asks.
"you can be showing that same pressure on us. you've given me 3 times my normal work load and i-i can't get it all done when it's due along with helping with intern applications, my regular work load and my personal life" you tell him.
hotch sighs, looking down.
"you're right... it isn't fair on anyone. i'll fix up your work load, just- focus on your normal case load, i'm sorry y/n" he apologises.
"it's okay, thank you" you quickly thank him before walking out and returning to your desk, finishing your work.
spencer smiles from a distance at the more calm and relaxed expression on your face, his girlfriend. ____________________________________ word count - 1127
it's currently 2am and i realised i didn't update, once again it isn't proofread !!
