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━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━
summary: y/n was abused and sexually assaulted on a case, she pushes spencer away and finally goes and talks to him while on a case.
_____________________________________ 2 months. it had been 2 months since you were abducted, tortured and raped. you thought you would've gotten over it now, with all the stuff you see you thought you were better at handling your own problems.
over those 2 months you'd probably slept a maximum of 54 hours, luckily you could hide your dark circles with your makeup. your insomnia and nightmares prevented any shut eye you could get. whenever someone asked you if you were okay, you had to lie and say you were. it wasn't easy, but it was even harder to lie to Spencer, your boyfriend of 1 year and a half.
you used to occasionally sleep over at his apartment and him at yours, but since what happened, you hadn't slept in the same bed with him or even made an effort to try and sleep with him. if you guys kissed it was a quick peck. even on cases, instead of sharing a room, you requested you had your own room.
it was around 2:30am when you eventually fell asleep. you were hopeful that you might actually get a decent amount of sleep for once. but of course, half an hour later, you get a call from Garcia.
"hello?" you ask groggily rubbing sleep from your eyes. "hey doll, sorry to wake you. we have a case. Hotch wants everyone here as soon as possible." she responds with a sorrow filled tone. "yeah, yeah i'll leave in 5" you say before hanging up.
you waste no time quickly getting up, throwing on some dress pants, a maroon long sleeved shirt and a black dress coat and lastly pairing your outfit with heeled ankle booties. before grabbing your go bag and your purse, rushing to your car.
you arrived at FBI headquarters in rapid time, considering the lack of cars out at this hour. when you got to the 6th floor, you saw you were the only there apart from Garcia and Hotch who were already here. you went and let Hotch know you were here before making your way to the break room to make some coffee. just then Spencer had arrived and also made his way to the break room.
"hey y/n" he greets you hesitantly. you turn around and offer him a weak smile before saying "hey" back. just then he notices your pants are inside out "hey, uh- your pants- they're inside out" you look down and realise he was right "oh uh.. i'll be back"
you rush towards the women's restroom, speed walking. after you've fixed your pants you give yourself a lecture for being so disorganised before realising you didn't have time to do your makeup this morning, meaning your dark circles were extremely visible. quickly grabbing your spare makeup out of your purse you put some concealer under your eyes blending it with your natural skin tone as best you can without foundation and powder.
you head to the conference room realising everyone else was already there.
~ 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑙 ~ (the next morning/night)
you laid on your single room, the clock reads 1:45am. you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep and you could feel yourself starting to become less focused and less helpful due to your lack of sleep. you were staring to get annoyed at yourself. you needed to talk to someone about your problems , a therapist but for now, you needed to talk to Spencer.
you made your way to his room, hoping he was awake. you knocked on his door hesitantly, almost regretting your decision instantly. after a couple seconds he opened the door, shocked at seeing you.
"y/n- is everything okay?" he asked immediately without thinking you immediately hugged him. "i'm so-so sorry. i've been pushing y-you away when i know i needed y-you" you sob into his chest.
he rubs your back and asks if you want to come in. you nod still sobbing. he lets you sit on his lap on the bed before saying "baby, i'm not mad that you didn't talk to me, i'm just happy you're here. please tell me everything. i'm here y/n" he reassured you
you steady your breathing before beginning. "for the past 2 months, i've been struggling with sleeping because of insomnia and nightmares. i can barely sleep, i don't feel safe anymore. but i'm not really mad at that, i'm mad because i've been pushing the people who love me the most and care for me away. especially you. i'm sorry if you felt like i wanted to break up with you or something. i promise you i didn't mean to." you say, feeling even more guilty.
"hey, i still love you. i knew eventually you would come talk to me." he whispers, playing with your hair
you hesitantly ask, "can i sleep with you tonight?" "of course! yeah, come on" he helps you up and leads you to the bed. you get under the covers on the left side before snuggling up to Spencer, instantly feeling much more better.
"when we get back, i'm gonna start to see a therapist. and i wanna spend more time with you." you tell him. "i'll be there with you every step of the way, and if you ever want to take a step back, tell me, alright?" he replies soothingly.
after a couple minutes of silence, he says "you know, before what happened..happened, i was going to ask you if you wanted to move in with me" he says laughing a little, from what seemed like embarrassment.
"i would love to! even just hugging you made me feel better. if you still want to, i will happily move in with you. if you're okay with my nightmares, late nights...and i-if you're okay with waiting until im ready again" you say, resting on your elbows to look at him properly.
"really? i still want you too. and i wanna be able to help you with your nightmares, and of course i'm okay with waiting until you're ready again." he says kissing your forehead lightly
you turn over, and kiss him on the lips properly, involving a little tongue. he passionately kissed you back, smiling into the kiss. "i missed that. i'm sorry it took me so long to do it again." you say looking at his eyes.
"don't be sorry. just promise me, promise if you feel like you need to take a step back, you tell me." he replies
"i promise" _____________________________________ word count - 1089
