Desire

page 46

46

Was he for real?

Did Keith really have cancer?

Why didn't Amanda tell me?"

So many questions were running through my head. I didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry."

"Save your apologies. Yeah, I know that I messed up in the past, but if you weren't over it you should have left. I take and have always taken full responsibility for hurting you and breaking trust in this marriage but I won't take the blame for this. I'll be back in a few days to get my things."

He left and I was standing there, alone and embarrassed. I felt bad for everything but still somehow didn't feel as bad as a wife should after finding out that her husband is terminally ill. I picked up my diary and flipped through the pages. I could see where tears had fallen on the pages. I can imagine how he felt. I checked my phone to see who had called, it was Angel. I figured he had gotten my note. I called my mom

"Hi, mom."

"hey baby."

"Ma, Keith just told me he has cancer."

"He finally told you?"

"Wait, you knew?"

"Yes, he said that he wanted to wait until after your birthday. I guess he couldn't wait anymore, baby."

"Ma, how could you not tell me?"

"Well baby, I figured he'd tell you when he was ready."

"How long have you known?"

"Well, after you called me, he called me and needed to talk. He said he could feel you pulling away and I didn't say anything about what you said to me and when he called and told me that you had left, I knew it was going bad."

While I listened to her lecture me, I kept getting calls from Angel. He called again so I decided to call my mom later, I couldn't hide.

I answered "Yes, Angel?"

"I've been calling."

"I know, I can't talk right now."

"I'm going to leave here on Wednesday, can we meet for lunch?"

"Yeah, sure."

The conversation was short, I wasn't sure why he wanted to have lunch. I just wished he'd leave me alone. I was going through enough, but once again, I had putting myself in a mess that I couldn't handle.

The next few days were scary, lonely and eye-opening. Keith hadn't called, I didn't know where he was. I was too embarrassed to tell my mom exactly what was going on with me. Wednesday came in no time. Angel wanted to meet me across town, which was perfect. He apologized if he had made me uncomfortable and wanted to break the ice so that things wouldn't be awkward at work. We agreed that WHAT HAPPENED IN MIAMI STAYS IN MIAMI.  It was finally time to go back to work, and I was extremely nervous to be around Frank. I didn't know if Angel had told him what happened but he hasn't called or text and I damn sure wasn't going to call to find out why. I crowded my head with possible reasons why he wouldn't have called and then I realized, Tomorrow is Roberta's funeral.