delicate - jaylor fanfic - on hold because of the breakup

first doctors appointment

** Tuesday august 9th - 5 and a half week pregnant **

- Taylors Pov -

«Taylor Swift?» The nurse comes and get me from the waiting room. I only had to wait for a few minutes and its empty in here except for me. They did a good job with keeping this under wraps. The last thing I want is for someone to see me here and then have it become a headline. It is an OB/GYN office so I could spin it and say I'm here for a Pap smear or something, but if I can avoid it all together that's fine with me.

I follow her into a room, and they ask me to pee in a cup before they take my weight, height, blood pressure and some blood tests. Its standard when someone comes in to check for a pregnancy, I guess. They show me to a room where I will wait for the doctor to come, and I pick up my phone.

Taylor: just got here, waiting for the doctor now. Not so glamorous peeing in a cup, but whatever. I'm here

Blake was worried I was going to bail on taking the appointment. It's not exactly far-fetched that I would pretend to ignore the issue for as long as possible. But I also know it would be irresponsible. I need to know that everything looks okay. I don't even know if they can detect a heartbeat yet, but the doctor sure knows what they are looking at. This is what they do, they deal with pregnant people and probably do thousands of ultrasounds a year.

The door opens and a doctor in a white coat comes in. «Hello, you must be miss swift. I'm dr Rebecca Lancaster» she says and shake my hand before she sits down.

«Please call me Taylor» I don't like how impersonal It is to be addressed as miss swift, especially when she is about to get all up and personal with my body. You need an OB for the duration of your pregnancy as well as the delivery, so we are going to be seeing a lot of one another.

«I just checked on the pregnancy test and you're right, you are pregnant» she says, and I take a deep breath. I already knew I was, but this confirms it once again. I guess their tests are more accurate than the one I buy at a store. I don't know. «Okay, so what now?» I ask.

«The first prenatal appointment is the longest because I need to get a full picture of your medical history. Your primary care doctor back in Nashville worked quick and faxed over a part of your medical records this morning, so I have a basis to go from. I can see you have no preexisting illnesses, you're up to date with your immunization and you don't have an allergy to any medications» she says as she continues to look at her computer.

I made a point to contact my primary care doctor yesterday and asked for them to fax over my basic medical history because when we called the OB office yesterday, they recommended that. It's also one less thing for me to remember, my medical history isn't exactly something I remember everything off.

«Do you have a history of mental illnesses? It doesn't say anything about that here» she says, and I shrug «I struggle with recurring anxiety and depression. I've never been to a therapist to be officially diagnosed, but my doctor has listened to my description and taken note of it and said that's what I have. So I guess she diagnosed it» we talk a little about that and how it's not surprising giving my profession that those are things I struggle with from time to time.

«You are underweight, that's concerning» she adds, and I look away «I might have some disordered eating tendencies. It's been... an issue for a while but I've only recently admitted to it even though people have tried to get me to see it for years» I tell her honestly. It's been a reoccurring discussion with my parents, doctor, and some of my closest friends. But it's been hard when I also have friends like Karlie that encouraged the things I did because she did it too. And it didn't help that anytime my weight fluctuated it became a headline and they claimed I was pregnant. My looks where never good enough in the media's eyes. I was either too thick, too skinny, too pretty or too ugly. There is no satisfying them.