this is why we cant have nice things

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** Monday July 24th, 2017  - 16 weeks and one day old **

- Taylors Pov -

"Ba-ba-ba-ba" Estelle babbles on her playmate as we chill at the apartment in Tribeca. We just left the pediatrician office for her four-month checkup, and she is wide awake. She is apparently advanced for her age, in the top precent of development which makes me proud. My little firecracker is rolling from her tummy to her back, babbling, holding her weight if we hold her standing and laughs at anything and everything. The shots where a screaming party in the office, but they needed to get done too.

"That's good Estelle, ba-ba" Joe imitates her back. Talking with her is something we do a lot. Even though she can't actually hold a conversation she is showing a lot of personality these days, which makes it even more fun for us. No longer is she a baby that just poops, sleeps and gets the boob.

We decided to come to the apartment for a few days because I need to go to the studio the next few days and it's a shorter ride from here. I also have fittings for some upcoming outfits, so my stylist is meeting me here at the apartment to do that too.

It's almost exactly one month until the announcement of reputation. I'm nervous to how the public is going to take it because it could go horribly. After the drama last year its making me stressed with the possibility that people won't support me in this. a lot of people have a view of me that's so far from the truth, but there isn't much I can do to change their minds at this point. It's my word against others, and when the crowd is gathering against me, I look like the liar. If this fails, it might be the death of my career.

"Come get some cuddles Taylor, I can hear your worrying form all the way over here" Joe says from the other end of the room so I head over to the two of them on the floor. When Estelle has tummy time, we like to be actively there with her to keep her entertained. It's so important to give babies plenty of tummy time for their body to develop correctly, so we tend to do it several times a day. Thankfully Estelle likes it for the most part. If she is really tired it's a crying party, but today she is a happy baby.

"Look, it's an elephant" I hold one of her plush toys out in front of her. a few weeks ago she figured out how to reach for things, so that's a fun game we tend to play. And it's even more engaging for her when she started to push up onto her elbows to be more involved in the game. "One day we can go to Africa and see the elephants. That will be fun" I've always wanted to go on a safari, so maybe that would be a fun thing we could do together as a family one day? When we will actually have time for something like that I don't know, but I like to daydream about all the possibilities for our future.

Meredith comes over and lay down next to Joe. She has seemed really curious about Estelle since we brought her home, but learned the hard way two days ago to not get too close because Estelle thought it was fun to reach for her tail. Meredith doesn't really like humans, but all through my pregnancy and after Estelle was born, she has been more people friendly. Well... she did take to Joe quickly after he entered my life too, but nothing like she is with Estelle.

"Meredith is a kitty, Estelle. But we need to be careful so we don't hurt her" Joe explains and pet Meredith who purrs in response.

"Ah-ah" Estelle shrieks before she laughs. These moments are what I'm going to store in the back of my mind forever. Spending time just the three of us while the world keeps moving outside the walls of our home.

** the next morning **

After feeding Estelle, and pumping, I head to the studio to meet Jack. But of course people saw us enter yesterday and are camped out outside my apartment. Thankfully I have a lot of practice to ignore the cameras and get into my car as efficiently as possible. I don't like to linger outside my car because I don't like to encourage them to show up here.

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