delicate - jaylor fanfic - on hold because of the breakup

that damn hashtag

** Tuesday 23 august 2016 - 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant **

- Taylors Pov -

Hanging over the toilet is my new morning ritual. Long gone are the days of stylist, glitz, and glamor, now it's just me, a toilet and my insides being turned inside out. Hopefully this shit ends soon because I'm about to rip my hair off. As far as my googling said it will most likely end after the first trimester, but we don't know that for sure yet. Some women have it all through their pregnancy which must suck.

After I finish and there isn't anything left in my stomach I stand up on shaky legs and rinse out my mouth. Your whole body gets a workout when you puke your guts out, so everything hurts.

I get ready for the day, which today is yoga pants and a big t-shirt I head downstairs. I've sort of been avoiding Joe a little since the kiss. We haven't talked about it, so I'm just putting it in a drawer and sort of ignoring it for now. Out of sight out of mind, right? Yeah, it doesn't work that way. We are in the same house; the attraction is increasing, and it's bound to blow up at some point.

I grab a ginger ale and some saltines from the kitchen before heading into the living room where I left my phone. Its blowing up so something has happened. I take a moment to breath before I dive into whatever it is. It's not like I haven't been the topic of a headline over and over again, so one would think it got easier, but it doesn't. I'm human and it hurts when people attack you.

The first thing I see is a text from tree to tell me to call her. But before I can a sleepy Joe comes into the living room. "Good morning, Taylor" he says and throw himself down on the couch too. He looks so handsome in the morning with the ruffled hair. I'm happy he feels comfortable enough to walk around in comfy clothes here and not dress up just because he isn't in his own house.

"Good morning. I need to call tree, something has happened" I sigh and dial her number. I could hold off and live in ignorance for a while longer, but that doesn't sound productive.

"Good morning, Taylor. Thank you for calling me right away" she says when she picks up.

"Hi tree, good morning to you too. What's up?" Something is probably wrong; it usually is when she texts me to call her so urgently. I thought that since I'm hiding here that there wouldn't be a damaging headline about me but turns out that not even dropping from the face of the earth will keep me safe.

"The hashtag is trending again. Kim and Kanye's fanbases are bringing everything up again which has caused another media storm where the edited video is brought up again" she says, and I close my eyes to try to calm myself.

That stupid video is going to haunt me for the rest of my life, at least until the full video is leaked. The one that's out now, is so heavily edited by Kim to make it work in their favor, but it was all a big set up. At the time I thought he was being a decent human being by giving me a heads up, but he cut out the part where I was promised a listen before its dropped, and that I didn't even give my consent. I more or less said that I can't control what he does but that I apricate the heads up. And the lyrics he presented for me wasn't even the full thing he ended up releasing. But then Kim edits everything and it seems like I agree. I'm done trying to make peace with them, clearly, they will just keep stabbing me in the back.

"Can't I catch a break?" I say with a shaky voice. I know that in this industry it's good to have a thick skin, but I'm only human and I bleed when I'm hurt. I thought that this was behind me, but now its brought up again.

"Hopefully it dies down soon. It's up to you but I recommend not giving a statement or posting anything about it. That would just be adding fuel to the fire" she says. I know it's sort of a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. But I also know that keeping my mouth shut is probably in my best interest. Nothing good would come from starting a twitter war or commenting because it would just be turned around and I'm the villain once again. You can't win with these people, so playing the game at all is not a good idea.