Actor(Oshi no ko)

Prologue: Noah Anderson

"Hey buddy, can you come here for a sec?" The voice of a man entered my ears. His voice was very deep and rough, but his tone was gentle, as if he was afraid he will hurt me.

Looking at the conflict written on his face, I already know where this conversation will lead to. But even though I know, that doesn't mean I'm prepared for it.

I can feel the tears that start forming in my eyes and the lump that starts rising in my throat.

I don't want him to notice my state, so I just looked at the floor, hoping he decides to leave.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always go the way you want to as I suddenly felt a hand on my head.

The hand was rough and full of calluses, and while I normally would have hated it, the way he gently pats me only brings me comfort.

How great would it be if he was it?

But alas, I know it's not meant to be.

While rubbing my head, he started to speak "Hey Noah, we really enjoyed the time we spent together and think you're a great kid. You're a truly special kid, and we feel grateful to have had the chance to spend time with you. However, after thinking long and hard, we realized we weren't a match for each other. We hope you understand Noah, and I'm sure you will find a better family."

Liar.

You're such a liar mister.

You didn't enjoy my company.

You don't think I'm great.

You don't think I'm special.

And you don't feel grateful for spending time with me.

You don't need to lie, I already know what you're thinking. After all, parents don't want their kids to be someone like me, someone always quiet and gloomy.

Spending time with you guys, faced with your kindness and hospitality, I started to hope, maybe you guys are the one. Maybe I have finally found my family.

But the moment I heard those familiar words of rejection, I realized getting my hopes up once again was the wrong move.

Feeling overwhelmed with my emotions, I quickly escaped from his pat and ran away to the room where every kid sleeps.

Arriving on my bed, I quickly lay down and tried to catch my breath, tired from all of that running.

I don't know why, but memories of the past started to flood my mind.

I remembered how great life was back then, how I was always smiling happy, and full of energy.

But it all changed when I saw my parents die by getting hit by a truck right in front of my eyes, I think that was the moment I became the kid I am now. Gloomy, rarely smiling, and preferring to be all alone. 

This didn't change even when my relatives sent me away to an orphanage after they said they can't take care of me anymore.

But it's not like I minded because if there was one good thing about being sent to an orphanage, it was the hope that started to bloom inside me.

Maybe in this orphanage, I will find a new family. It's not like I completely forgot about my old one, and I do feel guilty about wanting a new one.

But, I'm a greedy person. And I want to receive love. I can't decide not to after experiencing it just once.

With my desire for love burning brightly, I spent the past year in this orphanage trying to find a family.

But, I never got one.