MY LOVE [ Jennie X Intersex Reader ]

CHAPTER - 19

WARNING : SELF - HARM/SUICIDE

Y/N POV :

I am at my breaking point.

I don't know what should I do anymore.

I am tired.

I am tired of my life.

As I sit under the shower fully clothed, getting drenched with cold water I can't help but think about everything. There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head. But one thought overpowered every other ones and that was to end all of this.

No more pain.

No more heartaches.

No more nightmares.

No one will abuse me anymore.

No more suffering.

I will be free from everything.

I held the razor in my right hand wanting to end everything and get the peace I have always wanted. My heart hammered in my chest. My brain was thinking about all the pros and cons of this, over and over again.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I almost did it but suddenly a face flashed in my mind causing me to abruptly stop.

It was her.

She was looking heartbroken and lost. I quickly opened my eyes and throw the razor away from me.

No

I can't leave without telling her.

I can't.

I tightly shut my eyes and screamed while pulling on my hair. I was a mess right now. My mind was everywhere. I buried my face in my hands and cried. It's the only thing I am capable of right now. I don't know what else to do.

Suddenly, my bathroom door burst open and Chaeyoung came running frantically searching for me. When she saw me she froze in her spot.

She quickly took a towel and came toward me shutting the shower off then helped me to stand up and wrapped the towel around my body. She gently cupped my cheeks and looked at my appearance one again.

"I am glad you are okay. I was so worried about you."

She still haven't seen the razor which was laying on the other side of the shower. She hugged me tightly not caring that she was also getting wet. After sometime she pulled away from me and started leading me outside.

We were almost out of there when she abruptly turned around when something caught her eyes. I knew what it was so I hung head low. I was now feeling ashamed of myself wanting to end all of this like a coward instead of fighting.

Chaeyoung looked at me again but this time with tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't said anything though. She just led me in my room and told me to change while she will bring something for me to eat.

I could see she was hesitant to leave me alone but still left telling me that she will be back in a minute.

When Chaeyoung left I quickly dried myself and changed into another set of clothes and settled on the bed.

There was a knock on my bedroom door. After that Chaeyoung entered and when her eyes landed on me I could visibly see her sigh in relief. She locked the door and came toward me with a bowl of chicken soup. She handed me the bowl and settled beside me on my bed. I wasn't in the mood to talk about anything so I just silently focused on my soup.

It's been two weeks since my parents announced about me getting married to Sana. When the Minatozaki family left that night, I had an argument with my parents.

I stood up for myself for the first time ever in my life because I didn't wanted to get married, atleast not to someone I don't have feelings for.

My heart belonged to someone else. It belonged to the girl I rejected just because of my insecurities.

Let's just say, that night I recieved the worst beating ever in my life because when they stopped, I had one fractured arm, dislocated nose and some broken ribs. My whole body was covered in bruises that night.

They told me that i have to get married with Sana, by hook or crook. I had no other choice but to stay silent.

Sana have visited me a lot of times and I didn't like it one bit how she was always so touchy with me. Feeling my biceps, veins on my arms and 'accidentally' touching my abs literally everytime she was here. I was uncomfortable in her presence but I had no other choice.

Four days ago, she stayed the night at our house. I thought she was going to sleep in guest room but no. She slept in my new room and my parents forced me to sleep with her, on the same bed. Whole night my heart was thumping against my chest.

She keep rubbing her butt on my member which made me freeze everytime. I wasn't enjoying it, not even a little bit. She forced me to cuddle with her even when I didn't wanted to.

Next morning, before she left she forcefully tried to kiss me. All of these triggered something in my mind causing me to have a panic attack. After that day I have been getting those nightmares more frequently.

One day I was crying and screaming in my sleep. It was Chaeyoung who came and hugged me whispering soothing words in my ear. I tightly hugged her that night and cried.

I wish i would have talked to Jennie before it was too late because now they don't let me leave the house. The only time I could leave is when I go to school with two bodyguards, ofcourse.

They are afraid that I will run away from them. They are not wrong about that though. The day when they told me about the arrange marriage I was actually about to run away but now it's even more difficult. There are bodyguards everywhere in the house. You can't leave the house without getting caught because they guard the house 24/7 now.

My sister was right. I should have told Jennie the truth before it was too late. Now, I regret not telling her about it.

"Y/N." my sister said quietly breaking me off of my thoughts. I looked at her to see tears in her eyes. I sighed and placed the empty bowl in side and laid my head in her lap. She started running her hand through my hair.

"Y/N please don't give up. I know it's hard for you but don't give up like this. Everything will get better one day, I promise." she said wiping her tears. Silence engulfed us until she said something which really made me regret even thinking about it.

"You are the only one I have Y/N. I can't lose you. I just got you back. I can't lose my little sister." she said crying harder this time.

"I almost did it." I said which made her freeze. I looked at her face this time and said again.

"I stopped because of Jennie. Her face flashed in my mind and I threw the razor away."

When she heard it she laid down beside me then hugged me. She was sobbing violently. I sighed and tightly wrapped my arms around her.

"I am sorry. I will not even think about it again. I promise." I said to which she just cried.

"I a-almost lost y-you." she said with hiccups in between because of crying. I just held her tightly until she calmed down. After sometime she fell asleep because of exhaustion. While I stayed awake for the whole night. Thinking about how to get out of this hell hole with my sister.

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[1280 words]