You're Dead To Me

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TW: Sadness

This is all happening after Eddie had a very difficult conversation with Chris on how Chris was scared that his dad was gonna die whilst on duty, so Eddie did what he wanted to do. He didn't have to do this but he 'felt like it was better.'

"I'm leaving the station Buck, I've already talked to Bobby and I'm gonna work at dispatch as the twitter person." Eddie says and Buck just stares at him blankly begging the tears not to fall.

"W-Why? You're leaving me!" Buck shouts pushing the tears back which were now replaced with anger.

"I'm doing what's good for Christopher, bye Buck." Eddie just spoke out before walking away from Buck to tell the whole team that he was quitting.

Bucks POV

How could he do this to me? I only just got comfortable with my feelings about him, now he's just leaving me! I think before walking into the locker room letting the tears fall, my breathing started to get faster but it felt like my chest was tighter. I grip my chest in pain as I frantically breathe trying to catch a breath, it took a couple minutes for my breathing to slow down but i was okay afterwards.

I walk out of the locker room and sit on the couch, ignoring everyone even Bobby because I just couldn't bare the pain I was feeling right now

A couple of months past

Hen walks up to me and tries talking to me, I haven't spoken much since Eddie left because whenever I spoke I thought about him and I couldn't bare the feeling.

"Come on Buck, just try reaching out to him we all know you miss Eddie but not talking to us isn't gonna bring him back." Hen sighs sitting next to Buck on the couch.

"I'm in love with him Hen, it's difficult." I sigh breathing out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Oh, still try reaching out to him. It's been 5 months." Hen replies.

"I tried, he ghosted me. Read my text but didn't respond and I've texted him a couple time since he's left, still no response." I look up at the ceiling so the tears that were threatening to fall didn't.

"Oh, that's messed up." Hen replies and I just chuckle a little and give her a half smile.

Eddies POV

I haven't spoke to any of the team since I left, it was too sad to see the pain in Bucks eyes whenever he saw me and I could deal with it. Today I've decided to go to the station for a little surprise visit, suddenly Josh comes barging into my office and begins lecturing me on the rules once again.

"Yeah yeah I get it Josh." I sigh rolling my eyes and he just walks out of my office.

Nobody's POV

Eddie drove to the station and saw Buck rolling hoses, Buck spots Eddie and immediately turns his back towards him.

"Buck-."Eddie begins but Buck just walks away, Eddie following. "Buck please-."

"No. No go away." Buck replies tears stinging his eyes as his chest begins to tighten like the night that Eddie left.

"Buck please listen-." Eddie begins but was cut off by Buck.

"No Eddie! You listen, do you know how much I fucking miss Christopher- of course you don't because you- you don't even talk to me anymore! How could you fucking do this to me! I fucking loved you and you tossed me like some piece of trash! You. You don't deserve me and I- I don't deserve you. You're the reason I am crying myself to sleep, god I fucking miss you so much but you didn't even try reaching out to me, instead you- you blanked me. Fuck off." Buck says getting calmer and calmer finally getting all that off his chest.

"I know- I'm sorry and I want to make it up to you but i don't know how to make you forgive me." Eddie says looking into Bucks red puffy eyes.

"I'm never gonna forgive you." Buck breathes out standing up straight fixing his clothes and wiping his eyes.

"P-Please Buc-." Eddie was cut off once again.

"You're dead to me." Buck said giving a cold expression as Eddies heart breaks into a million pieces and begins sobbing. Buck just walked away back into the station and re-rolling the hoses as Eddie sat outside crying. Eddie has never felt so broken, even Shannon's death made him feel this lost, this empty but then at that moment he realised he's in love with Buck.

The words repeat over and over in his head 'You're dead to me' and he just ran to his truck and began driving. The words stinging in his brain as he pulls up to his apartment and immediately getting his phone out and texting Buck.

Please Buck, I'm so sorry and if you really want I'll come back to the station - Eddie

Leave it, you don't mean anything to me anymore - Buck

Eddies heart shatters again as he begins sobbing uncontrollably on his couch. His phone vibrates but he doesn't even bother to look at it.

I love you Eddie but, I can't go through so much pain just waiting for you. - Buck

Eddie looks at his phone and begins immediately writing a paragraph.

I love you too Buck and I'm so sorry I didn't realise my feelings earlier on but you gotta understand that I did this for Christopher. He was scared that I was gonna die whilst being a firefighter and I didn't want him to go through that. I'm so sorry and I really hope you can forgive me but I'm so in love with you Buck. - Eddie

After this text, Eddie powered his phone off but not even 20 minutes later he hears a knock on his front door and he gets up to answer it eyes still red from crying. He opens the door and gets the shock of his life.

"Buck-." He gets cut off by Buck walking into the apartment and kissing Eddie deeply. Eddie melts into the kiss as Buck swipes away the tears that had recently fell.

"I'm so sorry I said that to you, I couldn't bare seeing you standing there whilst I confessed everything." Buck says holding Eddie in his arms.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, I was the one being an asshole." Eddie sighs, melting into the hug with Buck.

"I guess we're even then, the lawsuit and now this." Buck chuckles pulling Eddie into another kiss.

"I love you." Eddie blurted out between the kiss.

"I still don't forgive you but I love you too." Buck smiles. They cuddle on the couch watching movies with Eddie finding ways to make it up to Buck.

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