Rise of a Valkyrie

Part 34

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At lunch, Christie joined the rest of the class later than usual. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and her legs were shaking so badly she could barely stand upright. She explained that she had cheated on a surf run, turning back before the marker when she thought the instructors weren't looking. Unfortunately, they had seen her and made her do the whole thing again.

Kayla winced. The instructors punished cheating with naked ferocity. "You okay?" she asked.

"I'm good," Christie replied, as she collapsed into a chair.

Everyone was good. No matter who Kayla asked or what state they were in, the response was always the same.

"I can clean the cabin windows today," she offered. It had been her turn the previous day, but her friend needed a favor.

Christie shook her head. "No, I'm good. I've got it."

Kayla admired the response. Everybody had their own burden to carry, and Christie had chosen to make hers heavier. She had refused to inflict that choice on her fellow recruits.

"That was dumb, trying to cheat Instructor Liang," Thandi pointed out. "She never misses anything."

Christie's shoulders moved slightly, as though she had tried to shrug. "Wanted to see if I could get away with it."

Kayla nodded. The instructors controlled every part of their lives, and she often searched for any small way to take some of that control back. Earlier in the course, she had been sneaking desserts out of the cafeteria for their cabin, but stopped once Rose pointed out that this meant taking from the rest of the recruits.

"I'm so tired today," Thandi sighed. "I can't handle another session of flutter kicks. I feel like I've been knifed in the gut."

"Just go into zombie mode," Rose said.

"Yep," Kayla agreed. "Don't think, just do. Make them make you quit. If you don't die, you'll get through it."

"Probably drown on the next swim," Thandi said.

"Nah, they watch us closely," Kayla said. "They'll pull you out if you get in trouble."

Thandi shrugged. "I might quit tomorrow."

"You always say that," Rose said, and yawned.

"Maybe this time I will," Thandi said.

"Yeah, but wait until tomorrow," Kayla said. Despite her friend's strange vocal ritual, she knew Thandi would wake up the next day with renewed energy and conviction.

Thandi turned to Kayla. "I don't get you. You never cry, you never complain—you just hit things and keep going."

Kayla chuckled. "Oh, that's easy. I'm too stupid to know better."

The others gave her puzzled expressions, and she sighed heavily as she sought the energy to think.

"I guess," she said eventually, "the real problem is that scared part of your mind that tries to shout you down and convince you that you can't do something. But you have to ignore that voice and do it, anyway. That's what I meant. I don't give myself time to doubt or let my imagination run wild, I just do it."

"I see," said Thandi.

"Hey, maybe the voice is the devil? What do you think?"

Thandi stared at her in surprise. "Really?"