Dreadful Deeds

Chapter12- Next To Nothing

10 days since he had left, i am worn out, my hygiene no longer matters to me, the motivation to get myself out of my bed had slipped away. The enjoyment i had for such activities has faded. My stress levels are higher than the moon and stars. I have no reason without him. He's made me to feel deprived.

I feel next to nothing, i feel shattered and tormented by it. Now the question will not stop replaying over and over in my mind, Did he even care? the question that had been rotting my whole brain to its core. He must've cared right? otherwise he wouldn't have bought me a car, or was that just a distraction or some sort of scheme he was planning since the hotel.

Did he not like me? Was i the problem? Was i too much for him? Or was he just too much for me and wanted far away from me as possible. I can never understand why he left, i've been notified about nothing. There are no divorce papers, no calls, no emails. He's vanished from my life like rain on a sunny day.

But what did i do? I'm nothing now, he's left me. He was my forever person, the person i loved to infinity and over, the man that i had dreamed of since i were only a girl. The love of my life, my true soulmate, but yet still, i was left next to nothing.

I manage to pull myself out of bed for the first time in 11 days. I begin to walk down the stairs and see my mother in the living room. As my foot slowly reaches the bottom step i feel a flood of water rush out of me. "MOTHER!!" I scream, feeling my womb contract. "HONEY YOUR WATER HAS  BROKE, LET ME DRIVE YOU TO TE HOSPITAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" She shouts, leading me into my car outside.

I pull myself in the backseat, laid on my back holding my stomach, aching and clenching my teeth in sudden pain. The 4 minute drive feels like 4 hours. We arrive and i am helped out of the car by my mother. We walk into the hospital, getting a doctor to take me to the birthing centre.
I lye myself down on the hospital bed, with the doctors at my feet.

My mother stands beside me, holding my hand and stroking my hair back. I scream and yell in pure agony, I'm put on gas and air to help the situation. But before i knew it, he was here, my beautiful baby boy. They bring him to my cheek before, wrapping him up and circumcising him, as that was my choice.

I hold him in my arms, still holding the thought of Dean in my head. Thinking that if Dean was here he'd laugh in my face and accuse me of cheating. A part of me misses his rudeness, maybe because that's all i was really used to from him. But i miss his company, and his comforting Scouse voice. And his stringy brunette hair that tucked at the back of his head. I miss him. I miss him so much.