Dreadful Deeds

Chapter18- Tighter Rope

A day goes by since i visited my nan. I cannot believe i acted like that, being that inconsiderate it's forbidden in our family.
How does everything go down hill so fast, i don't understand it. My head is crumbling with emotions and my heart is starting to silently slip away. Today is the day i go.

I cannot stand it here anymore, drowning in my thoughts constantly as more days go by. Knowing that i'm stuck on an era where i can't get them out of my head, breaks my heart even more, i cannot cope here, i cannot be here, i do not fit in here.
Dean wouldn't care, and he wouldn't know
to even think about it. Nobody will grieve, but everyone will see the pain in my eyes as they shut.

Every day is darker, every day is silent. My outer imagine decreases and is destroyed by the inner imagine and the inner mind.
I can not comprehend anything i have most loved. Dean specifically. I am lost and downgraded without his presence.
My life is now chaotic, negative, and only suitable for me when i am in my sleep.

I step up from my bed, picking up a long piece of thread from my wardrobe, i tug on it to test the strength. No, we need a Tighter Rope. I go to my chest of drawers and grab this blue, thick rope, which was about 5ft long. Now this is a tighter rope.
i grab my desk chair from the corner of my room and drag it just under my light
bulb, and shade. I begin to wrap the rope tightly around it, stabilising it. I tie a circle around the other end, and slip it above my head.

I am left thinking for a few minutes before I step off the chair. My last thought as i leap from the chair, knocking it on the floor, and beginning to loose my breath. As the rope tenses around my neck, tightening my oesophagus. My last thought. Did He Even Care? I replay over and over before i slowly start to slip away.