wonderwall ♔ k. bryant

twelve

I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous.

At least, that's what I've been trying to run through my head since I got home last night. But why should I be jealous? It's not like anything's ever going to happen between us. We don't like each other. I'm not going to allow myself to be jealous of whatever the hell is going on.

But despite the fact that I'm saying I'm not jealous, I don't know how I actually feel. That's my problem, I guess. I've never understood my feelings and whenever I actually understand, I don't know how to deal with them. It's always been like that.

My feelings crisis was interrupted whenever my phone started ringing. I set my bowl of cereal on the coffee table, glancing down to see who it is, and it's Lauren. I hit answer, bringing the phone up to my ear, "Hello?"

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"No, why?"

"I need you to come over. Like, now. It's important." Lauren and I have very different definitions of the word important. Important to her could mean she lost her eyeliner or something.

"How important?"

"Very. And I'm being serious this time."

"Fine. I'm on my way," I sigh, hanging up the phone, and going to my kitchen to rinse out my bowl before changing into something other than my sweatpants and t-shirt and driving over to Lauren's.

I knock on Lauren's door and she answers, smiling wide at me. "Hey! Come in," she says happily and I reluctantly step inside.

"What's got you in such a happy mood?" I follow Lauren as she sits down on her sofa. I sit down next to her and she's still grinning like an idiot.

"I went out with Warner last night- I think you knew that, right?"

"How could I forget?" I did forget, actually. My mind has been all over the place. But it's not like I'm going to tell her that.

"Well, we were just eating dinner, and we kind of got engaged!" Her smile grows wider as the sentence goes on and my eyes widen.

"Oh my God! Lauren, that's amazing! Let me see the ring," I say and she puts her hand into view. It's simple, but it's cute, and I love it.

"it just, it took me by surprise! I thought he was breaking up with me and he just did the exact opposite, and... I'm just really happy."

"Well, I'm really happy for you," I tell her, pulling her into a quick hug, and she throws another smile on her face.

"I didn't need to do much thinking about this, but would you be my maid of honor?" she asks and my face lights up.

"Yes, Lauren, I would."

I stayed over there for a little bit longer before I had to leave for Wrigley and I saw Warner for the first time since before I left for Arizona and spring training. I'm so happy for them, I really am, but I feel so weird. My best friend's getting married and I'm the furthest away from a relationship as possible. I see stuff on Facebook all the time about my old high school friends getting married or pregnant or whatever, and I'm just all by myself. Granted, I'm twenty-four and I still have time, but everyone just seems to be doing better at life than I am.

***

"I don't think you're playing today," I said to Anthony as we both walk into the dugout to check on the current weather situation and it wasn't a surprise to us to see it was still raining.

"I think you're right," he replies, staring as the northern downpour beats against the tarp.

My mind has been taking over my life these past few days. I'm in a constant state of "How do you really feel, Mallory?" and I just can't tell myself an answer. It's seriously making me go insane and I just want to die.

Taking a deep breath, turning to Anthony, "Can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Sunshine?"

"What's going on between Kris and Sarah?"

"Is someone jealous?"

Maybe a little.

Mallory, shut up, no you're not.

"Well, no," I scoff, "I'm just confused."

"Don't worry, Mallory, everyone else is confused, too."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "What does that even mean?"

"They're not together-" Why does it feel so reassuring to hear those words? -"They're technically just friends, but I've been around them both to realize that what they have is kind of... I don't know, it's complicated. If you ask him, he'll probably tell you," he tries to explain and I furrow my brow.

"Well, I tried, but he didn't really give me an answer."

Anthony presses his lips together, staying silent for a momet, before speaking up again, "It sounds like you're jealous."

"I hate you."

"You love me and you know it."

A/N

THIS IS SO SHORT AHDBISFIUFB

(its also kinda shit but shhh)

if you can spot the Panic! at the Disco refrence i made in here then please know that i love you

well i mean, i love you guys anyway because y'all are so supportive of me and this story like wOW ! its unreal