Seer Me Wrong ✔

Into the Flames

I wasn't really sure how I felt, being alone with Mama again.  My hands started to sweat. I rubbed them on the thighs if my pants.

Steeling my nerves I got up and? followed her to the kitchen. Mama still looked very much like I remembered, she had aged; gray-streaked her hair, crows feet lined her eyes.

We stepped into the kitchen and it looked as cramped as it always had. In front of me on the far side next to the back door, sat the sink with counters filled with random cooking utensils.

Overhead cabinets ran from the back door all the way to the fridge, which was on my right, sitting caddy corner. To my left up against the table sat a table for two, that table had been here for as long as I could remember.

She started pulling pans out and placing them on the stove. I just stood awkwardly in the doorway, it had been too long for me to remember where things where in the cabinets. On her way to the fridge she stopped and pulled a chair out for me to sit in.

I took the not so subtle hint and parked my ass. She was pulling out all kinds of stuff from the fridge, I stop paying attention to what she was doing and started staring at the room around me. Not too long later, the kitchen started to fill with the aroma of, well, mouth-watering goodness.

I cleared my throat a hundred times. Only one word was running through my mind at this moment; Why? It's time to grow a pair, as Cass would say.

"Mama, I have to ask this. Why did you and Papa leave me there? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Or did you guys just not want me?" Once I started I could not stop, not until tears were streaming down my face.

Mama turned and looked at me all surprised again, that look was quickly replaced by guilt and sadness. She broke eye contact and silently sat in the chair across from me.

She stared at the painting behind my head. So it would look like she was looking at me but I knew she wasn't. She licked her lips for a moment, as I just started wearing a mask of a calm, rational person.

Inside I was splintering into hundreds of thousands of glass shards, I could feel the prick of them all. Each pump of my heart made them prick and dig in further. It was almost unbearable, finally, my mama spoke.

"I don't have all the answers you are looking for, but I can answer some. We left you there because it was what was best for you, God has always had a plan for you. You know what you did, and you know why you were punished." Is she serious, right now?! Anger exploded in my mind.

"You've always been good enough for us, you were just lead astray. You wandered from the beaten path, you need guidance. We always wanted you, we just wanted you to keep your soul more. Theresa if I could make you understand and see my side of these things, I would." She gave me a sad  smile as a way of saying"Don't  know what to tell you"

"What I can do is give you the boxes of books, Papa wanted you to have. There is like 3 boxes, they are in his study, I will go get them." She walked away as if what she just said made any sense or even begins to make anything better.

It was God's plan you say, mommy dearest. I could feel my anger boiling again, right into the hellfire. I needed to calm down and quickly or I was going to bring Hell here. Show my kind family what they should really be fearing.

Let her see I've turned into the very thing she tried to save me from. As if something knew what I was thinking, I heard a very loud knock come from upstairs. Brushing it off thinking it was Mama, I chose to ignore it.

Quicker than I expected, Mama returned with a look of exhaustion on her frail face. She did not look sorry in the least, she still believed she was doing me a favor leaving me there. She checked the food and busied herself in that. The room quickly filled with awkwardness.