Seer Me Wrong ✔

Even In These Chains

I couldn't stop myself from growing more and more nervous as we draw closer to our location. Xander held my hand as he drove, tracing soothing circles with his thumb. With my stomach in knots and I knew my palms had to be sweaty. I didn't want to go here, my anxiety was through the roof just thinking about going into such a dark place.  

My mind kept dragging me back to my time at Our Healing Hand. To the abuse and torment, I suffered through at the hands of Dr. Hayes and countless others. I tried really hard to push those thoughts out of my head and focus on the daunting task that was waiting for me.  Unable to shake my nervous, anxious or just plain unpleasant feelings that had turned into parasites who had long worked through my brain. Feels like they've settled onto my spine, working their way through the nerve endings. My will to go on was diminishing.

Summoning all my courage I reminded myself that I was, in fact, a badass. The realization couldn't have come at a better time. 

I lived! I endured it all, and I'm still here to talk about it.

 I've spent the past month -okay, a lot longer than that- being angry about my life instead of looking at the big picture. No matter what they took from me. what they did to me. They couldn't beat me, break me, or stop me. I might be forever tethered to that place but I didn't have to let that weigh me down. My chin lifted as pride washed through me, a small smile ghosted my lips. Just threatening to shine through. 

I combated all my negative thoughts with several variations of how I was strong, how I was loved, I was still here. Excitement soon overtook me. I couldn't wait to talk to Dr. Maria and explain what was clearly a breakthrough for me. Of course, I would have to omit the ancient goddess whose hell bent on my death, but growth was growth. 

I had to place my moment on hold. We have arrived at a decrepit old farmhouse looking structure.  It looked like it hadn't had any care in years. Graffiti littered in most of the reachable spots. Some brave souls have tagged it in higher spots, making me wonder how they even got up there. The windows had long been shattered out.  There was no front door to speak of.  The grass was above my knees when I walked through it. 

How did they keep people out?  After a few minutes, I came to the conclusion they don't. 

One of the first things I noticed was James was standing outside waiting with us. The rest of the gang was running around wrapping up last minute details. Xander parked the car and turned slightly to give me a brave face. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. We both had a lot riding on this going well. 

The pressure was bubbling over the limit threshold. As if sensing my building panic, Xander, without a care in the world,  leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Who knew a gesture so small could carry an emotional sucker punch. 

A genuine smile found its way to my face. Steeling my resolve that this too I could beat, I got out the car and faced James. 

His smug-self was impeccable looking as always.  I couldn't wait to wipe that look off his face. He was just so sure that he was going to win our bet. That I was just another fake. The joke's on him.

The intensity of the spirits and whatever else lurked in the shadows was apparent to me before I even hit the door. 

"Has anyone spoke to her about this place?" James asked as soon as we got close enough. 

"Oh, why hello James, how are you? No, I know nothing about this place but I will soon enough," locking eyes with him as I answered him in Xander's place. I knew he was just trying to get under my skin. I brushed past him and entered the building. Its appearance did not get any better once inside.  The floor was cracked and chipped in some areas. You could see the carpet or whatever they tried to put over the concrete. It was all fibers desperately clinging on despite the rot that's taking over. Looking up I could see through the ceiling/floor into the second floor.