Powerlessness ( Loki x Reader )

XVIII.

"What is it like?"

"Hm?"

~ (Y/N) ~

"What is it like? Being what you are?"

Rinsing the plate under the facet and putting it to the side to dry, I snickered. "Could you make it sound anymore alien?"

"Oh, my apologies, I really don't mean to come off as rude. It's just- I couldn't imagine what it's like being the crystal; knowing you exist as the most concentrated form of living power there is. I can't even fathom what it may be like."

"Well, a lot like code."

"Code?"

"Yeah. Everything's a form of code. I squint my eyes to find myself surrounded by ones and zeroes. Numbers ready to be rearranged, rewritten, scrambled; and put back in order again. Add numbers and things multiply, subtract them and they divide - It's all a matter of memory and order. Which goes where and which doesn't."

"Is it that simple?"

"The basics are. Sometimes it's hard to remember which code is actually you, especially when everything already feels like it is you. Sometimes there are moments when numbers pop up that I've never seen before. Lines of code that glitch and constantly rearrange themselves. It's partially why I've never tried to explore the full extent of what I am capable of. My mind is a memory bank of numbers and patterns but sometimes I fear that maybe there'll come a day when I'll finally reach full capacity and do something I don't have the knowledge to reverse."

"Reverse?"

"Reverse." I nodded, picking up a plate and dropping it on the ground to shatter.

"Have you ever looked at something or did something that you wish you could change?" Hand outstretched, I lifted my palm upright over the shattered pieces.

"Imperfections, flaws, screw ups; ever wondered why they exist?"

Slow and methodically the pieces began to rise from the floor, reaching the palm of my hand to form the unscathed plate once more. "Because without them life would be pointless." I turned back to the sink.

"Success would mean nothing without the threat of failure. People pay for lottery tickets because they're afraid of poverty. People pursue fame because they fear the thought of living insignificantly. People search for love because they dread the silence of being alone. A dream is but the opposite of a nightmare. And without the nightmare, what is there to dream of?"

I turned the sink off and faced him. "My ability does not spare me of anxiety, if anything it enables it further. My gifts; now more than ever, stem from my own emotions. And when this- when panic induces, my reflexes will act accordingly. There's been a time once before- recently, actually; that I did something I feared I couldn't reverse. The reason I did get out of that situation in the first place was because of~" I looked at him and smiled. "A power, I feel is much greater than I am."

"But what-"

Interrupting him with a quick kiss on the lips, I chuckled. "Aht aht! No, no more questions. Now it's my turn. Sit!" I pushed him to the padded window seats on the near wall.

I sat on his lap. "Now that- and I'm just gonna rip the bandaid off with this one- Now that you've literally been inside of me, I feel that this is the best time if any to start getting personal. I need answers~ real ones."

He chuckled and guided my head onto his shoulder. "Alright. And to what may those answers be?"

"Why do you need the throne? Why don't you just lead along side your family?"