Lust of Misanthropy

XVIII. Failure

Making my way to the door, I thought about how the darkness beyond the barriers of the home was almost aggressive, as I perceived.

"-kun..." Monika raised her voice in a worrisome tone.

I shut my eyes, refining my confidence, and opened the door.

"You're..." she began, "You're not supposed to defy me!" Her voice echoed, every step I took heightening the intensity of her voice.

"Agh!" I scoffed in a scornful manner, as I tumbled to the pavement. I stood up, and shook my head.

Yuri.

It took me a moment to calibrate. She stood in front of me, a worried look on her face. I smiled with triumph, as my emotions and hopes began to elate briskly. "Yuri..." I muttered, rushing to hold her close to me. She returned an open embrace to me. The front yard we stood amongst indicated that we were just outside of my house.

"-kun," she spoke, her voice timid. She let go of me, as we retracted in sync. She pointed at the sky, colourful, zealous and clear. "The fog is gone."

Although erratic to have been said, she was right, and it was indeed a wonderous sight. "Hmph," I gestured, "It's been a while since I've seen the sun."

Unfortunately, my discomfort seemed to have arrised yet again. Yuri's face seemed to be glued to the verge of absolute sorrow. She looked as if she could burst into tears within seconds. "Yuri?"

Visible water seeped from her eyes, "I-I want to leave -kun..."

I held her in shock. Her too?

"Yuri, no, no... You have to be okay Yuri, there's nothing wrong," I held her shoulders with ardent strength, "You and I are going to get through this."

She shook her head, and in seconds, she was wailing aloud as her tears ebbed like streams to an embouchure. Reacting immediately, I held her tight, and, I too was making a strong effort to seclude my tears. "We... We're going to be alright– I love you Yuri..." I groaned through the lament.

"Let's get inside, we can go to sleep, we can be together..." I spoke through Yuri's sorrowful sobbing. She held onto my body like a hiker would hold onto a branch, harbouring over thousands of feet guaranteeing death. "We're okay Yuri..." I grunted a final time, opening the door to my house.

Again.

What I had walked into was not the inviting, comforting livingroom I would always walk into when opening my door. In my arms, Yuri was no longer there. What I had seen, although familiar, was not what I wanted to see.

This, is what I'd coin as 'The Void'. The interlinked multiverse in which I've been thrown into more than a few times by now. Why now must I realize what occurs? The light has returned, the same light that the previous void had offered me. I allowed it to approach, hoping to be anywhere normalized... My house, Yuri's house, [NEIGHBOUR_1.stl]'s house, [FRESHMAN_chr.stl]'s house... Christ, even school.

My hopes were deemed to misfortune. All I saw, was an indescribable pit of blackness. I couldn't even see my body. I felt like my body was levitating, a feeling of light air traveling through me– it was almost soothing.

"Why do you defy me?"

I was beyond startled. My chest pumped in fright, as I turned to face the familiar voice– Monika.

I readied my fists, and glared her from a few feet away, furious enough to care not of the situation I was put in. "Who do you think you are, meddling with my life?"

She held a single hand to her mouth and closed her eyes in a joyous manner. "Silly me, I didn't think I was sticking my oar in too far..." she claimed in a guileful tone. "Forgive me, -kun, my dear."

I stared at her for a moment, and asked a final time, "What is going on," I began, breathing heavily, "Tell me!"

Monika's expression died down, almost in a hopeless way.

"...Cannot comprehend."

"W-what?"

"You shouldn't even be able to resist, let alone remember her..." Monika began, her fury intensifying, "What's wrong with you -kun!?" she boasted, causing my expression to die off, now surprising me. The silence surpressed her shouts.

"You don't understand yet? I told you, you were a space cadet," Monika snarled. "You don't get how much time I've spent waiting for you to love me, as I deserve."

She was wrong, I knew she had to be wrong, she was just speaking out of spite. "You can't force me to love you."

"That's why I didn't lock you in this uncomfortable state beforehand," Monika said, staring off to the side, away from me, "I have compassion. Clearly you've never seen compassion."

I didn't even digest what she was trying to guide me through, I needed answers. "What about the sickness?"

She suddenly stared at me, deeply. "Do you remember when Yuri died?"

My heart sank.

"W-" I stuttered, shaking. "W-when did... She died!?"

"Yep," Monika said in a tone, indicating that it was tedious for her to even explain, notably rude, "At hand, I can manipulate the intensity of emotions." Monika surveyed her nails in an insipid way, "I failed to balance it at minimal, and she died. Her love escalated to a level of strength almost impossible to work with."

Our conversation fell silent for a moment. "...I felt bad, and erased your memory," her cheeks flushed out, "See? I'd be a good girlfriend."

"So," I began, stumbling on my words, "Are you playing god, on me, just to be with me?"

Monika shook her head. "...As childish as it may be, this confirms the end of my act, as well as the termination of this current universe."

So sudden, my heart began to race. "W-what? You can't just end our world... Then you'd really be doing something that will end in you feeling bad! And, just... Think about the, the..."

"It hurts, cutie."

Another session of silence filled the air. "If you loved me, you would really know why I can't return feelings," I scolded.

"You and I were so close..." she whispered to herself in discomfort, "Why have you still denied my love?"

"Maybe, because our god betrayed her most important disciple, and ruined his chance at love," I muttered, "Twice."

Monika gasped aloud.

...

"Let me go, Monika."

...

"Let me go."