Lust of Misanthropy

Epilogue II - She Knows Best.

With the uttering of my mouth, my head began to ring. I couldn't bare hyperventilating, knowing that my foreknowledge of unexisting events could very well alter the fabrics of reality that I've rightfully deserved to be placed in.

Nothing.

Who knows, maybe I've been afflicted by PTSD, or something of the sort. Though, whatever it was, I'd bet my bottom dollar that it had something to do with Monika.

Tracing back to reality in an awkward headshake, Yuri held a firm stare, her pupils glistening my vaguely-visible reflection through the milky-brown tint in her eyes.

"-kun, I don't feel good," she spoke with a monotonous tone. Her expression was completely blank.

I exchanged an odd raise of the brow, "A-ah. Well, excuse my rambling," I gripped her hands to mine as she shot me a whimpering look. Before I could speak, I caught a rapid chill from Yuri's hands– they were frigid. "Are you feeling ill?" I asked, pampering her hands with warmth.

Yuri balled her hands up into mine, as I clenched them together. "I want to go home," she muttered, still shaking. I was astonished, seeing that Natsuki nor Sayori seemed to be eavesdropping our conversation, as it was rather loud.

"Well..." I pondered, thinking of what I'd be missing during a quiet reading day, without an instructor in sight, "Alright, let's go."

We left early, at around 4:15 P.M. Yuri's quivering movements ran through my nerves as the tightened grip she entangled me in allowed her to share her shutters with me, it continued without word. This was a type of nature I've never seen in Yuri- this was normal Yuri, though. Something told me that I was more fond of the previous Yuri, the assertive, lovestruck, over-passionate Yuri.

The stagnant air hung dryly, casting a cold aura around my body. Winter was closing in, without doubt. I wonder if Monika was aware that I enjoyed this weather.

The sky dimmed slowly as we made our echoing steps along the sidewalk. This was another feature of my past that I have yet to experience, at least for a while, that is, the unbareably sluggish passing in time. Within a few minutes of walking in the nearing dark, we approached my home gates. Sayori's bedroom lights glew, which assured me very much so, that she was content; she remained woeful in the dull accompaning the subtle light offered in her room most of the time.

As I watched Sayori's window, Yuri broke my thought with a subtle and adoring kiss to the lips, her cold hands holding my tepid cheeks. I embraced her.

We headed inside shortly after. Yuri hadn't a temptation to question me about leaving the lights off when I flicked them on. I began to grow slightly unfond of her lack of dominance.

"Yuri," I began, taking her by the shoulder, and seating us down on the sofa, leaning her towards me as she slumped comfortably into my lap by the head, holding her open hand feebly upon my thigh. "What made you act that way?"

Yuri turned to lie on her back, and stared into my eyes with a hint of yearn. "-kun, I feel as if you're becoming distant, or, you're not acting like the -kun I love," she said, then, turning towards my abdomen, and wrapping her arms around me, tightening the intertwining embrace, "I don't want to lose the love of my life. I don't know how I'd live without you, -kun."

Firmly, I held her head with the encapsulating support of my arm, as she mewled lightly in a lorn, depending way. "I'm sorry."

Minutes passed. I was unsure whether she had dozed off by the time I came to my conclusive thinking, but I spoke anyhow. "Look at me, Yuri, I'm a freak. I'm just a sick freak, acting like I don't know what's going on at any given moment, doing stupid things, saying stupid things, being..." I caviled, running out of things to say. The perplexing drowsy state Yuri was in, lying there remote of anything I was saying. "I don't know why you love me, Yuri. All I do is put you down."

I shed a tear. "Quoting poetry of my past... I can't even write. Give a freak like me a verse and I'll think I'm the Lord of all that's benefit. I'm an idiot who thought he could walk on water with what I wrote for you." I held Yuri's head violently, without control. I, unsure of whether or not I woke the poor soul, continued, "...I don't even know what I'm doing right now. If it's just another mindless dream, you may as well shake me until my blood runs cold and I wake the fuck up."

With a sudden grip to my shoulders, Yuri jumped from her position and locked her eyes to mine, exchanging her tears, as her height caused the lukewarm substance to bind to my face. "You're not an idiot -kun... You can seem lost, but you're not an idiot..." she paused, and fell into my arms. Her abrupt awakening put me to silence, and I gave up, holding Yuri to my chest, as she sniffled visciously. "You're the reason I'm alive today, -kun. You're the reason I go to that stupid room every day. I want to spend my whole life with you, even if you were just an idle corpse."

Her face quivered, the tint of her cheeks growing as vibrant as street lights. "Y-you don't know... How much I love you..." The emotions drew close to an outburst, and caused her bonny voice to tremble.

And, within seconds, she drove her head into the indent between my neck and jawline, and erupted into tears. Grief bursted from her violent whimpers, and her hot tears stung my neck, few dribbling down to my chest. Straddling my lap, I pulled her closer to me. She hadn't a desire to stray any further.

I couldn't even tell when, I guess I was just that out of it, but I was asleep. Surely, it couldn't have been long after our cute little breakdown.

d̷̞̠̮̜̗͇͙̬͌͊̇̆͋͡͝r̼͇̳̖̥̽̌̌͛̉̑̚͘ę̵͇͉̬͓̬͓̼̦̅̋̈͑̾͟ạ̷̪̙̤̗̬͎͔͎͑́̾͛̏͑͟͡͡m̴̪͈͎̥͛̌͌̐̓͜͡ I n̴̠͖̲͔̩̯̖̮̎̓̊̽̋̏̾̍̈́̚ͅğ̵̼̰̜͖̦͕͎̫̑̎͒̒̎̂̉͟ p̢̳̠̠̲͇̩̳̯̾̉͑̊̄͠r̸̡̺͙̭̬̫͉͕̊̇̉̇̃̈́̆̅̚͠ô̵̧̡̥͙̼̰͎̜̈̐͐̐͆͆̍͠v̨͎̮͚̥̫̦̟͂̌̿͋͜͞ͅį̶̩̯̤͍͕̰̉̉̉́͑̄̀͢͢͜d̵̝͍̦̠̄̀̎͑́͟ȩ̵̛͉̞̻̠̃̎̆͂̏̕̕ḑ͎̦̩̠͖̾̊̉̓͊͛̉͊̐͢ͅ  m ę̵̣͔̩͈̥͐̆͂̔̿̿̑͘͜͟͞ w̶̡̛͉̞͓̣̥͒̀̃̆ĩ̧̖͓̖̠̤̳̐̌̾̆̋̎̌̇͢t̢̢͕̬̪̖̜̗̔̅̿̊́͝ḩ̨̛̦̹͙͖̮̝̋͊̈́̚̚̚͝ ḁ̶̡͚̺̪͕̗̆̈̄̉̒̕͢͞͞ m̶͓̹̰̺̌̆́̀̆͢͠ȩ̴̠̪̱̺̼̤͖̥̿͒̄̒̿͛̒͟͝͝͠t̶̢͙̪̙̣̠͔̹̽̅̽͛̃ͅho̬̖̮̥͚̠͈̙̜͌̾͗̑͛ͅd̵̻͇͇̤̻̥͊̂̐͛̍͘̕̕͡   ó̴̲͖̞̪̭̮͓̂̎̈͗̕ͅḟ̵̡̢͖͕͇͎́̆̈́͑͛́͐  s  p̸̲̜̝͓͔̯̻͎̭̀̔̇̕͘͢͝͝e̷͚̫͙̤̯͍͍̦̩͛̋͋͌̿͜͝a̷͈̦̮͔̘̪̘͍͂̓̉̚̚͢͞k̷̨̛̙̮̖̺̱̠̻̺̿̊̌̎̎̅͟͠į̵̛̖̺̭̳͔̖͂̾̂̐̇͗̚̚ǹ̡̜͈̙̩̟̥̠̍̿̿̚ǵ̷̝̥̮͉͔̳̗͒̇͊͛ ț̢̛̱̯̣̮̲̪̐̈͑͗̀̈́͗͡ơ̴͉̖̣̰̖̩̲̾̿͂̅͌͢ t̶̛̠͈͉̙̜̪͍͍̑̓̃̀̊̚͝͠͡ḩ̷̼̜̞̠̪̗̋̂͐̇̾͋̉̔̓̕ḙ͈͖̠̖͓̼͊̈̐̉͆ u̶̢̙̝̖̣͍͉̤̻͗̿̒͐̂̈́̕n̨̨̺̪̙̤̜̐̾͋̓̚͠e̵̡̧̨̗̦̥̝͈̯̩̓̿͒̅̌͘    a r̴̡̨̧̛͔̘̣̤̠̣̎̈́͛̃̓̓̐̎͜t̢̰͇͖̮̮̩̣́̑͋́͑̑̔͌͜͠͞ḩ͙̪̦͔͛̒̆̇̐̍̌̊͘͜ḽ̲̺̻͙̘̇̾͆́͗͑̓͝ͅy̗̬̲͚̺͗̐̊̆̒̕̕.̗̟̹̩̯͈̌̇̋̈́͑̿̀̽́͟ í̸͓̞̝̣͇̫̱͚̰͆͊̉́̋͗̆̂͟ h̵̦̫̠̺̳͉̾̄̒̓͟͡a̡̛̼̤̠̬̙̓̎̑̔̀͐̉͝           d a̶̡͈͎͉̖̽̀͋̾̂̀̀͂̕ f̳͇͓̲̲̟́̽̽̓͊̕͢ư̸̝̮̗̫̙͖̎̐̀̎̆̉̏͝͞ç͚̦̬̫͈̺̆̐͐̽̌̐̑̀͠k̵̘̦̝̤̝̪̩͔͒̅̾́͝ȋ̡̥͖̻̻̾̈́͊̔͌̕ñ̴̲̫̰͎̖͔͍̜̗̖̍̾̆̿̑̕͘ǵ̸̨̭̲͚̩̥͉͕̝͖́̀̊͌̄̉̿ ḯ̢̗̦̪̜͓͑̄͘͜͠d̸̨̨̛̛̳͔̜̤̙͕̔͑͐̔ẽ͎̯̲̺̮͐͂̽̓́̀̕͢͝a̴̛̜̝̲̺̘̙̟̮͊͑̏̀̽͛̚͢ o̡̜͙͕̥̒̊̾̈͠f̷̯̩͕̙̞͇͓͕̦̌̅̆́̍ w̨̛̤͓̭͙̒̔̀͐̊̐͒̐̕͢h̢̲̟̬̘̹̆͐́̓̓̑͜ȁ̸̢̮̟̥̻͔͚̌̉̉̅̏̋͟t̹̖̝̼͍̣̠͉̂̃͒̑̽̕ͅ i̷̢͔͕̮͓̬͔͉̫̍̀̀͌̔̋͜t̬̝̭̣̼̅́̚͠͝ ẘ̷̺̝̹͚̟͉͆͗͆̒͑͘̕͜͝ả̶̡̠̪͎̊́̔̑͆͊͞ͅṡ̜͕͙͚͔̣̜̳̀̾̈́͌̒͢͟,̲̗͇̟̟͚̀̂͑̆͗ͅ b̶̘͕͇̤̱̬̞͔̥̂̌̌̔̅̂̈́͌̂u͉̟̯̮͉̥̔̑͌̈̽͢͠t͍͇͓̺̥̆̽͋͛̏̍̔̾̋͟ ḑ̸̛̯͓̭̬̼̜̍̿͠͡o͚̳̻͕̰͋͐͆̒͝               :( i̬͖͉̺̘͕͕̼͉͂́̓̑͂͘͜͡͡ d̴̛̮̱̺̙̱̠̺̒̆̋͐̀͑̽̉͢͝ä̟̞̻͈̗̱͙͍͕̻́̃́̿̄̐ŗ̧̛͙̣͚̼̱̻̝̑̒̑́̋̓̍̚͢ę̵̤̟͕̼͇̝̐͐̈̄̍̏̽̕͠ͅ ȩ̨̛̝̟̥̯̫͖͈̣̂̒́̄́͠v̡̡̺̱̻̲̳̫̰̊̑̃̐̈́͡e̴̠̙̹̯̪̒͐̿̑͂͋̓̀̕͢n̳̱̞͍̺͌̎̉̓̆̽̇̕ ş̵̛͙̮͚͈̹̤͓̎̈́̒̆͆̃́̓̕͜ͅp̶̢̢̢͕̬͈̫͉̗̩̋̉͌̏͛̍͒̉͌̈́ȩ̩̩̤̖̭̗͉͓̾́́̅̊͊̀̎͞ͅḁ̶͙͓̮̦͚͙̱́̏͑͛̽͘ͅk̨͈͍̩̰͎̣̰̍̃̈͂͘͢͝͠ ö̫̣͇̣̖̟̪̺́̂́͑̔f̦͇̭̎̀͊͊͗͛͢͢͞ į̼̞͚͈̲̺͖̐̎̇̃͊f̷̡̢͔̳̥̤̗̅̒͛͌̒̚͝?͇̙̮̯̜̹̗͍̰̬̉̀̈́̓̃̈́͠

        
I woke up.