Diary of an Angry Husband | Jinkook ✔️

Eighteen

"No, I am not giving you his number."

Jungkook raised his eyebrow, "so something is going on with you and this client, then?"

"No, nothing is going on, and I am telling you the truth; why can't you just believe me? And what's your interest either way if something is going on between him and I? Aren't you seeking a divorce from me, so what does it matter if something is going on or if it isn't?" Jin demanded with his arms across his chest as he stared back at his husband.

Wanting to get some other things off his chest as Jungkook stared at him, he continued to say the things that had been bothering throughout the day as he went through a wave of emotions, "You know Jungkook, I get it and will forever admit I fucked up, I should have been honest with you back then about the abortion, but I wasn't, and I can't go back and change that. I also accept that I cause us this miscarriage, but something I can't change either. I regret making that decision and not including you, especially seeing where our marriage is at right now, but I didn't know it was so easy for you to hate me after loving me all these years.

One mistake, and it's like I have committed a big sin in your eyes. After this morning, what you said to me, it hurt me so much, like no matter how angry you were, those words shouldn't have left your mouth, and sincerely speaking, I don't want a divorce, I want us, I want to go back to what we were, but as I drove to that meeting I kept asking myself, what's the point of being with someone who can't even look at you without being angry or spitting hurtful words at you?

I get clients being rude to me all day long, and my days are hard enough as it is for me to come home and accept you treating me like crap because you are angry about something neither of us can change. I have apologized, but I can't spend the rest of my life being sorry. You have a right to be angry, but you don't have a right to say those things to me, and because of that, I think we should separate and figure things out. Maybe we need a break from each other like you said you could do better, and who knows, perhaps I can too, we can use some time to figure it out.

The text this morning regarding Ae Ri, I am sorry, I wouldn't do that to you, I was angry, and I shouldn't have thought like that, so I want to clear that up. Over the weekend, I will move out, you and Ae Ri can stay at the house, and I will take her on the weekends. Tonight we can have a sit down and talk to her, it's not what I wanted for her, but it's the reality she will need to adjust to."

Jin tried his best to keep himself and his emotions under control as he spoke, it was hard for him to agree to things he was saying, but he realized that it was better for them to take a break due to his marriage's current state. However, the silence as Jungkook only stared back at him with no words or evident emotion on his face was concerning him. He hated it when he couldn't tell what his husband was thinking.

After a period of silence and taking a moment to digest Jin's words, while staring at him and around his office, Jungkook spoke up, "This morning, my words were harsh, and I am sorry you didn't deserve to hear that. Moreover, saying I deserve better wasn't to say you are wrong; it's just I am tired, Seokjin. I am tired of being the only active parent; I am tired of keeping our home going independently. I am tired of you being absent and not once feeling apologetic about it. You think your excuses are enough to solve every absence you have created in our daughter's life. This is not what I signed up for when we got married; you are not the same man I got married to, you changed, and it wasn't a good change. You went from being excited to wanting a family to then not overnight.

I have had to adjust my life around yours over and over; you don't make compromises for me, Seokjin. You fought with me about me going to a conference, you want me to be there and understand you, but you have never done that for me. You are more present for your best friend and your job than you are for your family. And even though all of this, I was okay, I still considered our marriage something worth keeping because I love you, and I remembered the man you were when we got married. I made excuses for you, assuring myself and our daughter that you care.

Then you showed me you didn't, and even if you did, you show it in the most half-assed way possible. I am not upset you got an abortion; I am fucking livid you didn't have the guts to tell me about it, and I had to find out the day I find out the baby we were expecting, the baby we were planning for was not going to make it because of something you did and kept hidden from me. Do you know how different things would have been had you told me, your husband, you wanted to have an abortion? How could you have kept a secret like that from me, and how did you even sleep next to me carrying that secret? Those are things I ask myself, and I think about, and when I do Seokjin, I get angry, I hurt more, and I don't think you can relate or understand the magnitude of how hurt I am. I am at the point where I don't know how to trust you and doing a separation, and I don't know if that can fix that-"

"Separation with marriage counseling, if it doesn't work, then we can get a divorce, but I don't want to give up on us without trying Jungkook. I have many faults, I know, but there are things you just don't understand, and sometimes you think it's easy for me, but it's not. I get what you say about I should've told you about the abortion, but-" Jin took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair gripping it, "it hasn't been easy for me either Jungkook, being married to you, it hasn't been easy. You have these expectations for me as a husband that I don't live up to, and each time I fail at something, I think you just add it to the list of how I don't measure up to that expectation. I love you, I love Ae Ri, I might not show it the way you show it, but in my heart, in my soul, I love you both more than anything else, if I didn't honestly the thought of getting a divorce and walking away from you both would be so easy for me, it would be freeing, but it's not, it's heart-shattering, nerve-wracking and leaves me emotionally unstable-"

A knock cut off jin's words at his door; he looked at it and then looked back at Jungkook; as he was about to say something, Jungkook spoke, "go get it. I have to get Ae Ri. We can finish this later."

"Jungkook-"

"It's fine, Seokjin; we can finish this later, separation with marriage counseling, we can try, if it brings us back together, then it's worth the shot." Jungkook walked to Jin's office door and opened it; he unknowingly became face-to-face with Namjoon.