Diary of an Angry Husband | Jinkook ✔️

Thirty-Five

"What did you think of dinner?" Jin asked Jungkook, who had been helping him clean up after taking Ae Ri to bed.

While he was loading the dishwasher, Jungkook turned to face his husband, "I told you earlier, it was good, and I felt special; it's been a while since I had your cooking. Your skill in that area almost slipped my mind. You should do that more often with Ae Ri, and she seemed happy to have helped."

His face softened into a small smile, then he sighed, "I used to enjoy doing these things for you, and it's not that I don't anymore. I guess I got so caught up with work that I left it to you. Ae Ri had no idea how good I could cook some things until she spent weekends with me when I was at the apartment." Jin settled on one of the stools, unable to resist resting his feet; he felt tired after a long day. "Having requested that we cook something special for you, I know for her it was also very important to make sure you enjoyed it."

Jungkook walked over to Jin and pulled one of the stools, sitting next to him, "would you like to talk about what happened in therapy today? It seems as if there are a lot of things on your mind."

Jin remained silent as he looked around the kitchen, back at Jungkook, then down at his hands, as if attempting to collect his thoughts. Jungkook was right; he had a lot on his mind, but he didn't know exactly what he wanted to share or whether his husband would be able to understand whatever he said. Further, he did not want to burden Jungkook with his current worries, considering what he was experiencing with his health.

He wanted to reduce Jungkook's stress as much as was possible, as he knew that it would be unfair to throw everything at him. Having done enough, for once, he had to put in his best effort to be selfless and think of his husband.

"I understand if you do not want to talk about it. I want you to know I am happy you are receiving help. However, I am here to support you no matter what's going on, so please don't hold anything back from me." Jungkook stretches his hand over, taking Jin's hand in his while he speaks.

Jin stared at Jungkook, then looked down at his hand in Jungkook's, and then back up at his husband, "I am sorry." He uttered almost in a whisper.

"It's not easy seeing her, especially after her assessment and telling me I'm a workaholic. Although you didn't comment on my earlier statement, which might be because you didn't want to upset me, I don't think I had ever considered myself to hold such an attachment to work that I could be someone like that. I felt offended hearing it, and today I tried arguing with her about why I was not.

In the end, she got me, she got me good, but even then, I had my doubts because being a workaholic implies that I am addicted to my job, and I honestly thought, no, I am not addicted to my job. I am just passionate about what I do; there is a difference, and that difference is misunderstood. An assessment that doesn't understand this can never be used to evaluate me. These were the thoughts that were going through my head. Having said that, would you like to know what happened?"

While keeping Jin's hand in his, rubbing his thumb across the back of Jin's hand, Jungkook asked, "what happened?"

Suddenly Jin's eyes filled with tears, and he reached forward to wipe the tears away. "When I left the appointment, I remembered Ae Ri's request last night: that I prepare a meal for you. I remembered that I promised her today that we would prepare you the meal; however, a reminder popped up on my phone, reminding me I had a meeting to attend. In our therapist's office parking lot, Jungkook and I debated whether I would pick up our daughter or make the meeting for thirty minutes.

In my mind, there were several reasons why I couldn't miss the meeting, and then I made up my mind to attend. Once I made that decision, as I began my journey back to work, Dr. Chye's voice came back to me, the assessment, the questions, I had to pull over on the side of the road, and I broke down because I was doing everything she said. A meeting took precedence over my daughter.

My mind for thirty minutes juggled between the thought of missing a meeting and picking up my daughter from school to go shopping together, followed by preparing dinner for my husband at home. I struggled, Jungkook.

Before you say anything, I think you have recognized this sooner than anyone else. I know you have suffered in our marriage because of this, because of me. Even though you have repeatedly told me you want to be first and be given a priority, I have never, until today, considered myself not putting you first since there was no way. I could not imagine the thought that I was choosing work over you or Ae Ri. I thought I was doing my best, giving my best, but hell, I haven't been giving anything! H-how are you even still with me? I failed our marriage, I failed as a parent. I need help-" Jin couldn't finish his words as he broke down in tears, leading Jungkook to stand and pulled him into his embrace.

"Please don't be too hard on yourself, I should have considered therapy for us years ago, and I know you've never intentionally neglected us. This is why I am still here, and this is what makes Ae Ri embrace you with even the smallest act you perform. Your realization of things like this makes me happy, and maybe in the past, I was wrong for nagging you instead of taking the time to see how you were mentally affected by the responsibilities of running your father's company at such a young age.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot, and I went to see Dr. Chye before coming home today. In one way or another, we both contributed to what has led to where our marriage is today. I think we now have the opportunity to fix that, to change the things we no longer desire. In addition to improving our relationship, we can be better parents to Ae Ri and this little one joining us soon.

The treatments I've gone for are doing their best to help me, and although I hope for a good report soon, let's not get caught up in worrying about the past, but rather let us try to keep going for as long as possible. Making commitments to each other and identifying and fixing flaws as we go. We won't have it perfect, and we shouldn't, but the things that have been tearing our bond apart since we met, we need to eliminate them. I am here to help you too, I am not leaving."

As he tried to stop himself from crying, Jin tightly wrapped his arms around Jungkook's waist and listened to him speak. There was something concerning the way Jungkook spoke.

"I don't want to lose you, Jungkook, and I need you to reassure me that you have a long-term future with us, and I have no idea what the hell is happening with you. I keep checking and still have not seen any of the medical reports for you, and I would really appreciate it if you could tell me the truth because I need to know; I deserve to know."

In a sigh, Jungkook spoke, "come upstairs with me, and I will show you everything on the computer as well as explain what has been happening. You must trust me here, Seokjin, for I wouldn't give you hope if there wasn't one."

Jin stood, still clinging to Jungkook, "okay, please show me. I need to understand. Keep in mind that you are the doctor here, and I am not, so when you mention cancer, I cannot listen and then sleep well without worries if I don't know enough about it, and I know you are not sharing all the information with me, I know you Jungkook."

"I know, I know, and I am sorry, come with me. I will show you and explain everything, I promise."