Children of Night and Snow

27. Daily Routines

Since the fateful conversation about what my job within the group was going to be, my training as promised increased from two to three phases. This meant I spent most of my time in the basement gym. While my sessions with Devan and Nolan were somewhat manageable since I already got used to the system and was improving significantly, Connor was the one who always left me so exhausted I barely made it to dinner before passing out cold until next morning. The worst part was that it didn't seem like the type of exercise that should tire me as much. There was no fighting, no running, no lifting weights. The focus was on flexibility and ability to move silently, unnoticed instead. Not only was it by far the hardest to learn, especially with the fact that my coordination suffered drastically as I've grown over the past few months, but it also left me demotivated like no other exercise before.

Still, I knew better than to refuse by now. Or to cry or beg for a lesser load of work. I tried that a few times in the past. Especially during the first two or three weeks when I felt like Devan wanted to kill me, not help me. But he never backed down. Not even a little bit. In the whole time since I recovered from my injury I only got one excuse. That was All Souls celebration. And seeing that Devan didn't let anyone off the hook, not even himself, I fell in line and just bit the bullet. As the time went by and I watched everyone else train down here alongside me at various points, I also grew a sense of pride for not backing down and carrying on despite clearly being the weakest and clumsiest of all of them. So, even if I felt like I couldn't make it another minute, I simply couldn't bring myself to ask for a break.

Today I was waiting for Connor to return from town, which meant I had a small break to watch Az and Aaron spar in the ring. They usually worked out early in the morning or late at night, so I rarely caught even a glimpse of them, but so far, they were the most entertaining to watch except maybe Devan and Nolan. Watching them fight with such incredible strength, speed and precision that my eyes wouldn't even stand a chance to follow if I didn't develop my senses and abilities over the last months, it was equally terrifying and inspiring. I wanted to fight like that. Even if the idea of what they used such skills for wasn't something I necessarily agreed with.

The idea that I was now basically part of a gang of black market thieves and criminals still didn't fully sink in. It was like I always knew they weren't good people. That Duskfall was not a good place. That I myself was no longer a good person. After all, I already stole from someone. Yet somehow I felt detached. Like there was a wall between me and the ugly parts of my reality and as long as I stayed on this side, everything was okay. And I kept myself busy as much as I could just to not think about my new reality and how different it was from the old one. How different I was from the girl who left Summerlands nearly half a year ago.

"Yeah, you're never going to match that," I heard Connor behind me. He must have just come down and was looking at the twins as well. I gave him an annoyed look in response.

"I'm just being honest. I can't match them either. People like you and I have to match their brute strength with speed, flexibility and cunning, which coincidentally is exactly what I'm trying to teach you here, so how about you stop drooling over them before Nolan catches you and gets jealous and start doing something useful instead," he shrugged and began stretching. Az and Aaron paused briefly to give us both amused looks and I shot Connor my best version of death glare. Nolan was somewhere upstairs minding his business, but he surely heard this little speech. I didn't really know where he stood on the whole jealousy thing. I didn't even know what we were to begin with. But I really didn't need to figure it out now either.

"You... you'll pay for this," I hissed, not really having a plan as to how exactly would I make him pay, but he didn't need to know that.

"Can't wait. Now how about you relax a little, cause you're stiff as a board and that won't get you anywhere," he replied dryly, fixing my posture. I could practically see him rolling his eyes at me.

"Drooling over Az and Aaron, huh?" Nolan asked when I walked upstairs after the workout was over and headed for a shower. I stopped in my tracks and cautiously turned around. He looked more amused than anything.

"Connor was being a jerk," I replied watching as he closed the distance between us until there was none between us and his hands gently rested on my sides.

"Should I be worried?" he whispered into my lips.

"No," I said, breathless just before his lips crashed against mine. "Nolan, I really need to take a shower! I stink!" I said in between kisses.

"Can I join?" he asked teasingly.

"Oh gods, please don't," we heard Demi's voice behind us making me go red like a tomato. Nolan just laughed.

"Oh please, you're the one to talk. I remember when you first brought Lucia home," he replied and I didn't think I could go any more red, but apparently it was possible.

"That couldn't be helped! She's my mate!" she fired back casually.

"Excuses, excuses," Nolan laughed at her and I slowly began to back away into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me because that conversation couldn't get anymore awkward.

"See, now you ruined all the fun," I heard Nolan's voice in the other room as I undressed and got in the shower. The only response he got was Demi's laugh.

When I got out of the shower both Nolan and Demi were gone along with Devan and the twins. Something about the search for a new job for us. The thought of that made me nervous so I tried to just focus on my book and a tea instead while Connor and Lucia played chess, but the exhaustion once again took over and in the end I just decided to grab something to eat before heading to our sleeping quarters, fully aware that if I fell asleep now, I'd likely be awake in the middle of the night again, but I simply couldn't bring myself to care.

I woke up fully expecting Nolan's chest pressed firmly against my chest, his arm around my waist, the new sleeping arrangement we had ever since we became a thing and I started sleeping between Devan and him instead of Demi. But instead I was greeted by now unfamiliar emptiness when I reached where he would usually lie. I turned around to see his spot empty, facing sleeping Az instead. Even in his sleep, he looked tense. All of the guys did. It was only Demi and Lucia, sleeping soundly in each other's arms, who looked content and peaceful. Was it because of the mating bond? Was that the comfort we all subconsciously sought after in these inhospitable lands? The thought alone stung in my chest.

The chances of me ever finding a mate here were nonexistent. Whoever he was, he was waiting somewhere in Summerlands, maybe hopelessly searching for me. That's where I belonged after all. Nothing was waiting for me here, because I was never meant to be here to begin with. I sat up and looked at the six people lying beside me. I wondered what their stories were. Did they have a family somewhere out there? Did they have happy childhoods? Any other friends but each other? Is there someone waiting for them out there in the darkness, cold and snow? Would they really be here, making living by stealing forbidden goods, if any of this were true? I didn't want to think about it. About just how dark their pasts may have been to end up here of all places.

I climbed downstairs to see breakfast made on the table. I could hear Nolan hitting the boxing bag beneath my feet. The clock was showing 4:30 am. He was up really early today.