Children of Night and Snow

66. "So do I."

Days have passed since that fateful morning, when twenty refugees were cut from the list of candidates in a brutal fashion. Whenever I closed my eyes, I could still hear the loud crack of a broken neck of one of the rogue girls, who was determined to keep fighting for her stay. It made me wonder what her story was. What horrors were waiting for her outside of the outpost gates, that she was willing to die rather than go back there. Because as cruel and unforgiving as this land was, the cold and darkness didn't scare it's residents as much. At least not from what I've seen.

I wished that events of that day didn't affect me, but I would be lying to myself if I claimed that was the case. I've witnessed poverty, cold, pain, death and cruelty which this unforgiving land brings upon its people and it still shocked me just how calm my friends were about all this. I may have been born one, but I wasn't brought up a predator. That much was clear and Nolan liked to frown upon that whenever he could.

But nobody ever stopped to think about a different world. A place where we wouldn't have to wake up every morning with fear if we will make it back to our beds in the evening. Where you didn't have to kill to survive. I wondered if we'd ever have that or if this was just a challenge before another, bigger and more dangerous comes. And then another, and another. Forever stuck in a vicious circle of violence until we ourselves end up drawing the shorter stick. And when they burn our bodies and scatter our ashes into the wind, another group will come in our place, doomed to follow our footsteps until the bitter end.

"Freya, focus!" Az snapped me out of my thoughts. He was clearly angry with me even if he hid eerily well. Only then I realized I was on the ground, his hand on my throat, reminding me of the vulnerable position I put myself in due to my lack of attention.

"I don't know what's going on with you, but I need you to snap out of it immediately," he hissed as he let me go.

"Sorry, it's just..." words got stuck in my throat as I was getting ready for another round. He gave me a weird look, one I had hard time deciphering. Az got more and more talkative with me as our training went on. I noticed we spoke much more during our private training sessions than he'd speak with anyone in the group when we were all together. But that hardly meant he was interested in my whining. So, not wanting to upset him, I just shook my head and returned to our workout.

It was later that morning when I was sitting alone on the gym bench while Az went to the bathroom. I had to wait on him before going back to our room, because of the pact we all made about not going anywhere on our own. Not that I complained, because the last thing I would have wanted was for any of us to get hurt. Yet, that was exactly what fates had in mind for me that day or so it seemed.

The door burst open without a warning and before I had a chance to question which idiot felt like barging in, I had two wolves charging at me at full speed. I barely managed to dodge their attack from my sitting position, but I couldn't risk them finding a way to use my slight disadvantage before I could correct it, so I rolled to the side and jumped back on my feet as fast as I knew how. I was now standing face to face with two angry rogues as we growled at each other, trying to assert dominance and scare the other away. While I kept my eye on my two opponents, I tried to listen for Az' footsteps but it was becoming increasingly clear that even if he was on the way, I would still have to hold my own for some time.

Next thing I knew, both wolves lunged at me without another thought. They were aggressive and clearly out to kill me, but they also weren't thinking straight. After all the lessons with Az, I could now see with my own eyes what happens when emotions cloud your judgement. I dodged their attacks with ease as it quickly became obvious where they were going to strike next. Still, I needed more than just to dodge. This wasn't a casual sparring match with Nolan or any of my friends. This fight I had to win if I wanted to live. And winning meant they had to die. A sense of cold calmness took over my body at that realization and I pushed all other thoughts away. I've killed before, I could kill again. And so I did.

First, I needed to take down the bigger, more aggressive one of the two. He was more cocky and reckless but ultimately he could also crush me with his weight alone. If I ended up on the ground beneath him, there wouldn't be many ways of getting out. At the same time knocking him off his feet was unlikely due to his build and stance. I had to surprise him. This was much harder to do with the second wolf at my back, but I could do it. I knew I could.

But after dodging a few blows, I was caught off guard when a fist landed directly under my jaw, causing me to stumble backwards and trip. This was going to make for one hell of a bruise I was sure. But right now I was exactly where I didn't want to be, on the floor with that mountain of a wolf approaching me. I needed to do something and I needed to do it fast. So I extended my claws and pierced his calf, ripping out his flesh and breaking bones. His scream must have alerted just about everyone, but the next thing I knew he was lying on the ground in the pool of his own blood while I was back on my feet, now left with only one opponent, who was smaller, faster and more agile, but also clearly shocked by my actions.

I was now fully immersed in the fight, not thinking about anything but the sheer need to survive. I threw punches and received some in return. My nose was bleeding now and I was pretty sure it was broken. There were multiple scratches on my torso. Nothing deep or life threatening, but nothing pretty either. The fight was taking too long, I needed to end it. I used the knowledge of my surroundings to push my enemy towards a hidden step closer to the ring. And when he tripped, I pounced.

"Please, I just want to live," he sobbed as I locked my arm around his neck in a tight grip, ready to snap.

"So do I," I hissed into his ear before I stabbed him in the back with my claws, straight into his heart, "so do I," I repeated as his lifeless body fell to the floor. Then there was a bone crunching sound behind me and I turned to see Az standing there, one foot on top of the now dead man's head. I almost forgot about the man whose leg I tore into shreds until he broke his neck just now.

"Are we alone?" I asked, my breathing heavy after the fight. Az gave me a slight nod and that was all I needed to cross the distance between us and run into his arms. I could tell he didn't expect the hug by the fact that it took a second or two before he returned it, but I didn't care. I needed the comfort, the safety. And just this once he gave it to me without any lectures.

"Freya, Azazeal, are you- Holy shit!" Aaron burst in through the gym door first, followed closely by the rest of our group. I quickly pushed away from Az upon seeing Nolan and the anger that flashed in his eyes when he entered the room. So much for wanting to wait to sort out this thing after the whole tests thing.

"Azazeal?" I asked, giving the twins pointed look. With everything happening at once, I needed something to focus on. And this was one thing so unexpected and so out of place, that it helped me direct my thoughts away from what just happened and the utter fear that bubbled beneath the surface in my chest.

"You didn't think Az was his actual name, did you?" Aaron chuckled and I could see a hint of amusement in Az' eyes also. Azazeal. It was a beautiful name. Otherworldly almost.

"Freya, your nose!" Demi broke the silence that ensued after my question.

"It's nothing. The other guy is worse," I chuckled as they all gathered around me, checking for my injuries. All except for Nolan who still stood by the door, his expression unreadable. And as panic rose in my stomach and the events of the past few minutes began to dawn on me, he was suddenly the only one I wanted to be close to. Which made it all even worse.