Children of Night and Snow

43. Lost And Found

"Are you okay?" Nolan asked me. It was just the two of us now. Everyone else decided to either go to a nearby sauna or grab some snacks in the main building which meant I was now left all alone with him.

"Yeah, why?" I looked at him, unsure of what he meant by that question.

"You seemed really shaken back in the changing room for some reason," he said, concern visible on his features.

"Oh, that," I whispered, flashbacks once again flooding my mind. Subconsciously I put some distance between us, making him frown.

"It's different where I come from. We aren't that comfortable with nudity. It usually requires a lot of trust you only share with your partner," I shrugged, hoping my explanation would be enough.

"That explains why you don't feel like getting naked in front of everyone but not why you looked like you were going to cry and faint," he said and crossed his arms on his chest.

"Let's just say I trusted someone like that once. And he betrayed that trust," I said, feeling ashamed of myself once again. I put my knees to my chest and hugged my legs close, trying to instinctively cover myself.

"What an asshole," Nolan hissed. He suddenly sounded so angry, but I couldn't bring myself to look up and face him. I wasn't sure if he really understood what I meant by what I said. If he could understand even. Clearly the culture here was so different, did something like what happened to me back in Moonvalley even have an equivalent here?

"Freya, come here," he reached out, offering a hand for me to take. I hesitated for a second. I really didn't feel like moving from the position I was in. But his reassuring smile was hard to ignore and so I took his hand and let him lead me into another, smaller lake further away from the buildings and other hot springs.

"Look up," he whispered in my ear from behind when we reached the destination where he intended to take us. His arms were now tightly wrapped around my waist and I leaned back against his shoulder to do as he said. Above us was the moon shining so bright up in the sky. And millions and millions of stars keeping it company. It was a beautiful sight. Something I could never see back in the Summerlands, since it was never dark enough there to see this much.

"It's beautiful," I said in awe. It wasn't my first time seeing all this. I was in a habit of watching the sky every night before I fell asleep. Yet standing here, in his arms, surrounded by nothing but clear hot water, stones and snow, it was a whole different experience. Out of this World even.

"It is. And so are you. Here, in this place, under the moon and the stars, right where you belong. Not south, but here, with us, in the north. They couldn't handle you over there, but we can. You belong here with us. Forget them and all that crap they put you through. They didn't deserve you." He wasn't the first one to tell me this. His words resonated so strongly with Devan's and Connor's. And I wanted to believe them. To listen. But it wasn't all that easy. Half a year here was simply not enough to forget. Not yet.

"Nolan, with this... thing between us. What will happen once you find your mate?" I asked him, trying to avoid the topic he brought up. Needless to say, I did not exactly leave the uncomfortable topics territory.

"That's really not something you need to worry about, sweetheart. If any of us is going to find a mate, it will be you, not me," he said.

"Why would you think that?" I didn't understand the sudden sadness in his response.

"Because I already found my mate. And lost her too," he replied, his voice breaking slightly at the second sentence.

"What do you mean?" I turned around in his embrace and took his face in my hands.

"Exactly what I said. She was a human. Well, she came from a family of humans whose predecessors were wolves. And I was too young, too stupid. I made the mistake of not taking her with me right away. Instead I left her with her family until I figured things out for us. I was naive enough to think she was safe with them. I was wrong. She died alone, cast out of her home village to freeze to death in the snowstorm. All because of something she couldn't control. Because she was a mate to a wolf." There was anger and pain in his voice as he spoke and my heart broke for him. It's rare, but sometimes our children are born without their wolf. Even in the Summerlands their lives aren't easy. They are considered to be a punishment upon their families. As a result, wolf born humans and werewolves didn't mix. We couldn't stand each other. It must have been even worse here.

"You didn't reject her?" If this happened back in Moonvalley, the girl would be rejected. No wolf would accept a wolf-less mate. Society wouldn't accept it.

"What? No! I should have stayed away. Maybe she would have been okay if I did. But finding a mate is a gift from the Gods. We don't just ignore that. We can't," he said, like it was the most logical response in the World. Yet to me it wasn't. We would reject mates all the time back south. While it was a blessing, it was rare for mates to match. Often the person already had a significant other by the time their mate came into the picture. And nobody was interested in breaking families and perfectly good relationships for someone they usually barely even knew.

"What was she like?" I asked even though I probably shouldn't have. It was the first time Nolan shared some of his life with me and I had a hard time letting that moment go.

"I don't really know. We never got to spend enough time together to get to know each other. I know she was determined. And courageous. We wanted to figure it out. Sometimes I wonder what she would be like. If she'd fit with this group of ours. What would her hobbies be, her dreams and hopes." The anger was now replaced with grief and sorrow. And I realized that maybe I was lucky that I never got to meet my mate. At least I won't have to lose him too.

"Well, I don't think I'll meet my mate. So maybe we can figure things out together," I suggested, hoping to cheer him up a little.

"What makes you say that?" he said, amused at my suggestion.

"Because he is likely back in the Summerlands. I was never meant to be here. I don't believe my mate is either," I shrugged, trying not to sound too sad about the fact.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Moon Goddess works in mysterious ways," he whispered into my lips before he kissed me.

"Let's leave it up to her then," I whispered back, suddenly well aware of him and his body so close to mine. His undeniably amazing body covered in ink and scars, his muscles hard as the rocks surrounding us.

"Yes, let's..." he replied without actually finishing the sentence before we kissed once again, this time with undeniable passion and for the first time since we came here, his hands began to roam to the less appropriate places. But I didn't mind, because so did mine. We were alone. Truly alone for the first time since we started dating. And under the millions of beautiful stars I let him take me to the skies among them.

*** 

Are you a fan of Nolan? If so, do you think him and Freya make a good couple? Do you think their relationship will last and if so, do you want it to?

-Manon