Children of Night and Snow

33. Winter Solstice

The place we went to wasn't the same as the town's square where we spent All Souls. This one was much further from our house, pretty much on the opposite side of town. It was an ancient site, a shrine to the old Gods who stood side by side in the form of giant statues, each holding a burning fire, surrounding a giant hall. There was no ceiling, only stars high up above us as we entered and I stared in awe at the beauty of this place. It must have been centuries old, millenia even, built entirely from obsidian stone. The statue of the Moon Goddess, our ancient mother and protector, stood proudly in the middle, towering over the other Gods and people alike. And beneath her feet, the entire town seemed to gather, everyone dressed in black and wearing masks just like my and my friends.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Lucia asked me. She stood right next to me, hand in hand with Demi. And our five boys were right behind us. I couldn't speak. This place, so dark and yet so beautiful, took my breath away. At home, we knew a little about the old Gods, we even worshipped a few. Moon Goddess was of course prevalent in our culture. She was the one we prayed to when we looked to the stars for solutions. But there were no shrines, no giant statues, not even books or other ancient texts that could teach us about them. When I looked around me now, I didn't even know many of their names.

"What are we waiting for? Let's dance!" Connor exclaimed.

"Remember the deal girls," Nolan threw his arms around Lucia and Demi's shoulders. They both rolled their eyes at him.

"Deal?" I asked, turning toward the rest of the guys, confused.

"Luc and Demi promised they'd dance with us first before they dance off into the night together. This actually goes for you too. You gotta dance with all of us first before Nolan steals all your time," Connor explained. I looked at him, trying not to look horrified. I wasn't the best dancer. And the idea of dancing with Aaron or Az was absolutely terrifying. But I didn't get a chance to protest.

"I'll go first," Connor dragged me along with a devilish grin and before I could gather my wits, he held my waist with surprising gentleness as he led us into the dancing crowd.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," I said, but he didn't seem to mind.

"You're doing fine. Just enjoy yourself. Don't worry too much," he replied as he spun us around and I did my best to listen. I spotted Nolan in the crowd dancing with Lucia, but no sign of the rest of the crew anywhere. Then again, with so much black surrounding us and with the dark skies above, not to mention when everyone hid their face behind a mask, it was hard to spot anyone at all.

"Why the masks?" I asked. We were going to dance like this for a while, so instead of silence, I chose to learn a bit about what was even happening.

"You guys didn't have those?" he asked me, clearly surprised. I shook my head. "It's so that we equal in front of the Moon Goddess. This is the only night when we gather in peace, with no ranks, as equals as we celebrate her during the long night."

"And why all black?" I added another question.

"It's the color of the night and also protection," he replied. I nodded once again looking around. For us, black was a symbol of death and mourning. It seemed strange to me, that someone could actually associate it with something else. But I also found it fascinating. It now made sense that the whole shrine was built from pitch black stone.

My dance with Connor soon came to an end, when Aaron appeared out of nowhere and without a single word took over. I bit my lip nervously and looked just about everywhere except Aaron's face. I still had no idea how to talk to twins. We coexisted at home and I grew somewhat comfortable enough to not be entirely freaked out, when any of them was around, but that didn't mean I was anywhere ready to face either of them alone, one on one and while dancing.

"I'm not gonna bite you, Freya," Aaron chuckled in my ear and I jumped slightly, making him laugh. "Come on, you're family now," he said, clearly amused by my insecurity. Family. Is that what I was to them? Is that what they were to me?

"You barely know me," I said in response. It was true, I've only known them for about four months. Twins even less than that.

"We may not know the girl you used to be, whose name you never even told us. But this woman, Freya, you, we've known you all your life when you think of it," he forced me to look up at him. There was a smile on his lips, but utter seriousness in those dark brown eyes. I swallowed hard and my lip began to tremble a little. There was truth to his words. They knew Freya since her first day of existence. They named her. Nolan named her. Me. I was Freya. I was family to them. I could feel the tears that threatened to escape my eyes, so I leaned against his chest to hide them. But also to show I trusted him. At least enough to stand close to him as we danced.

The next one to dance with me was Az. He was probably an even bigger source of my anxiety than Aaron. He was even more impossible to approach than his twin, there was absolutely no way to guess how he felt about my presence within the group. And he never spoke. I've known him for nearly two months and I had yet to hear his voice. Nobody in the group seemed to be much of a talker. Yes, they would occasionally go on a tangent here and there. Especially Lucia when she got drunk. But it was still nothing compared to what Olivia and Sheyla were like when we got together. Still, Az was by far the quietest of them all. So quiet, I wondered if he was mute until Demi told me he just enjoyed silence.

Now he switched with his twin brother and I held my breath as we danced away. Aaron's words of reassurance suddenly lost all their effect. I was completely lost. I wanted to say something. But what could I say? It seemed like any words were pointless with a man who had none to spare himself. And so we just danced and I tried my hardest not to mess up and make things even more awkward than they already were.

"You look beautiful tonight." I froze. His voice was deep and husky, and utterly unexpected. It sounded so foreign and yet somehow also very familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"I-Thank you," I stuttered in response, completely thrown off by what just happened. Gathering all my courage, I looked up to see his face. There was something like amusement in his multicolored eyes.

One sentence, that was all I got, yet the impression it left was undeniable. Maybe it was because of how rare it was for him to speak. Maybe it was because him saying something, anything to me made me feel less anxious in his presence. But either way by the time the song finished and our dance was over, I felt much more at ease with both twin brothers. And only then I realized how much of a weight their approval of me had on my shoulders.

After the song finished, I walked over to one of the refreshment tables, Az in tow. We both helped ourselves to some chicken roast and a glass of champagne without exchanging another word. We stood together by a nearby high table, a few steps away from the dancing crowd as we ate in silence. Az grabbed us two more glasses of the chilled bubbly liquid when we finished the first one. I was content then. My mind relaxed, away from the trouble, questions, doubts and challenges that waited for me outside of this place. Instead I was lost in the song about a queen, dancing her life away with the ghosts of her past, hoping that one day they'd come back to keep her company in her solitude, not willing to move on, to leave that cold and lonely place.

It was a sad song, heartbreaking even. And when I closed my eyes, I could see myself as the forsaken queen, unable to fully accept her present, forever cursed with the sorrow of waiting for something, someone who was never coming back. Surrounded by the ghost of things that could have, should have been, but never came to pass. Was I like her? Was I just surviving, not living, hoping for a salvation that wouldn't come? Unable to accept the truth about this World and my place within it, because I couldn't give up on the idea that one day I'd get to go back to the place I was forced to leave behind?

***

Wow, we are nearing the half of the story! What do you guys think so far? If you are reading this far, I'd like to kindly ask if you'd consider giving me some feedback in the comments, maybe share your theories about the story and also, tell me who from the group is you favourite and why? 

-Manon