good girl • (lrh)

40

These past few months have been very rough. I experienced a lot of things I wasn't ready for. I met a lot of new people, some good, nice and friendly, and some not. I grew closer with a man I had a silly crush on, that blossomed into much more. My mom moved away, leaving me to be independent for the first time in my life, she even married a lovely man. The man I had come to love, tragically left the earth.  I graduated high school. The woman who ran him off the rode, causing the accident went to prison and will rot there.

A few weeks after Luke's passing, the police came to question and interview me, and some other people Luke knew. After some time of talking with them, they informed me that the driver of the other vehicle was Luke's ex wife. I hardly recognized her, as I had only really met her in passing. I'm still dealing with a lot of feelings towards this now, but I'm trying to work through them. I'm trying to allow myself to move on. Not for the  sake of forgetting, and ignoring what happened, but so I can live my life.

I don't think I could forget about this if I tried. These past few months will always stick with me, even this past year. I've grown a lot. I've experienced things I never thought I would. Some of those things weren't great, but they helped me grow up. They helped me become the person I am now.

The person I am now isn't naïve, or sheltered. I'm an adult, and I act like one.

Last week I got my first job, at my local coffee shop. It's been really nice to feel needed somewhere. I'm even trying to get my driver's license, so I don't have to walk or bum rides from friends anymore. When mom came home two months ago, we sat down and really talked. We talked about my life, and what I was going to do from there. She even helped me come up with a plan. I'm working on moving out of my mother's own house, and into In apartment of my own. Things have been really good.

There are still bad days though, some days I don't want to get out of bed, or I can't bare looking out my window to see Luke's old house, but I'm taking things day by day. After things happened, I called Elsa and talked to her for a while. I apologized for how absent I had been in our friendship for the past few months, she was very kind towards me and I appreciated that more than anything. Recently we've been meeting up a lot, at home, even at work. She actually helped me get the job at 'Jo's Coffee Shop'. I'm thankful to have people who love and care for me, even through hard times. I know not everyone has that, and I don't know where I'd be if I didn't.

I thought Luke's death would break me, and I did for a while. I spent many nights crying, replaying that night. I spent many nights wishing to hold him and kiss him again, and I still do, but I know it's healthy to move forward and live my life.

A few weeks ago, Ashton and I cleaned out Luke's house. We packed all of his things up, slowly might I add. Both of us found ourselves reliving many memories through the process and it was a good bonding experience. We both shared many stories of him. I won't lie, I kept many of Luke's belongings for myself, maybe even too many, but they bring me comfort when I need them and that's okay.

I got to meet Luke's mom as well. Ashton called her as soon as we spoke to the nurses and they told us everything. She flew in all the way from Australia for his funeral. Liz is a very sweet woman, she comforted me in my time of need, even though I didn't know her at all. She told me stories of when Luke was a little boy, even shared photos with me. She told me that Luke had talked about me many times, and expressed how much he loved me. I was really glad to finally be able to meet her. I still keep in contact with her, though I try not to bother her too much.

Overall, I've learn a lot. I'm just trying to better myself and heal from my past, and I really hope I can do that someday.