A New Chance To Live

27

Warnings:
-Self harm/blood

Clay's POV

It was a few days later and I hoped everything would be a bit better by now, but it absolutely wasn't. I cried every day for hours and skipped school so I wouldn't cry in class. I started cutting myself a lot, multiple times a day. I just needed to deal with this extreme pain inside and didn't know how else I could do it.

Since it was five days after everything that happened, I decided to call George. Sapnap told me he was going to him today and definitely if he didn't pick up my phone call.

I was sitting on my bed and was curled up like a ball as I held my phone with shaky hands. I looked up George's number and sighed softly as I glanced at Sapnap who was laying down next to me.

'You can do it.'

'What if he doesn't pick up?'

'Then we can try if a few more times for if he's maybe asleep and if not, I'm going to him right after.'

I nodded slowly and pressed the call button with a soft sigh. I waited for a long time, but he didn't pick up. I immediately had tears in my eyes, but Sapnap smiled. 'Try it again.'

I nodded and pressed the call button again, but without any result. He didn't pick up again and I lost all my hope, crying as I hid my face in Sapnap's hoodie.

'Do you think I'm too annoying? Or too ugly? What's wrong with me that everyone leaves me? Is it because I give bad hugs? Or-.'

'It's not you, Clay. You're handsome as hell and my best friend ever. I love your hugs and I do know that they would be a bitch if they left you for giving bad ones.'

'I was so happy when George and I hugged,' I whispered. 'It was enough to make me feel amazing for the rest of the day. You always make me that happy too...'

'Call him one more time.'

'Okay,' I whispered with a soft sniff. I called him again and squeezed my hand in the hope he would pick up.

Suddenly he actually picked up and I lifted myself up. 'George!' I said with a happy voice. 'Can we-.'

'Can you stop calling me? I'm sick of it, okay? I can't have any more stress right now. Stop calling me and leave me alone for the rest of your life. You have a lot of other friends already, just leave me alone,' he yelled.

Before I could answer, he hung up and I looked at Sapnap with tears streaming down my face.

'I'm going to his place, but I don't want you to be alone if I'm honest.'

'Please, just go. I can't handle anyone around me right now.'

'But I don't want you to cut yourself again.'

I ignored him and sighed. 'Please just leave.'

'But-.'

'Please!' I yelled. 'I'm too broken. He's never going to come back to me, no matter how much I would want that.'

'I'm going to talk to him,' Sapnap muttered. 'But please, stay safe.'

I nodded and he turned around slowly. 'I love you, Clay. I don't want to lose you.'

'You won't.'

Warning self harm/blood

He slowly walked away and as soon as my door was closed, I grabbed the knife I stole from downstairs. I put it on my arm and stared at it.

Did I really want to cut myself again? I knew I would hurt everyone around me with it, but I needed this pain to stop. I kept staring at the blade on my arm but then nodded. I needed this, if I wouldn't tell anyone I did this, I wouldn't hurt them with it either.

I pushed it onto my skin and pulled it over, seeing a cut form on my arm. Blood came up and I stared at it filling itself with blood till there was too much blood and a blood drop dropped down on my desk.

It didn't matter anymore now, I cut myself already. What would it matter if I cut myself twenty times or one? I made multiple cuts in my arms. Most of my cuts didn't even heal yet, but I went through so much pain that I really needed this to stop.

I continued until I made around fifteen cuts and then laid my blade down, walking to the bathroom. I held my arms above the skin while I cried softly and let it bleed.

Warning over

I was standing in the bathroom for five minutes until I heard footsteps coming closer. My sister opened the door and nodded softly. 'I already thought so.'

I turned away from her, but she pulled me back as she grabbed some toilet paper to wash the blood away with.

'How did you know?' I whispered. 'You weren't supposed to.'

'Sapnap texted me so I went into your room and saw blood on your desk. I'm not mad at you, don't cry.'

She took care of my wounds and after cleaning my room, she took me to hers. 'I'm just doing my homework, but you can lay down in my bed if you want. I don't want you to be alone anymore.'

I nodded slowly and laid down on her bed while she did her homework. I started sobbing softly again and she laid her pencil down, crawling next to me in her bed. She pulled me closer and let me cry without saying anything.

I grasped onto her to let her know I really needed someone right now and she understood, running her hand through my hair.

'Sapnap is coming back in just a little, maybe he has good news.'

'B-but what i-if he doesn't?' I whispered with loud sobs in between.

'Then Sap and I are here for you. We are going to do everything to distract you as much as we can.'

'I love him so much,' I whispered. 'He meant a lot to me.'

'I know,' my sister mumbled. I looked up and saw tears in her eyes.

'I'm sorry, I'm making you sad.'

'No,' she said with a small smile. 'It just hurts me to see you go through so much pain that self harm became your only escape. I love you so much, Clay. I just wish you to be happy and it makes me a little bit sad that you aren't happy.'

'I'm sorry, I love you too.'

'Sleep until Sap is back,' she said. 'I'm here with you.'

1095 words