A New Chance To Live

30

Warnings:
-Self harm/blood
-Suicidal thoughts

Clay's POV

The rest of the day was terrible and I went to sleep as soon as I was at home. I skipped school the next day since my mental health was getting worse with the day. I didn't want to get out of my bed anymore for the next three days.

When it was three days later, it was the first time I got out of bed again. I had argued with my parents a lot because I skipped school and dinner. My sister ended up giving me food and water every day so I wouldn't starve.

I stood up slowly. My sister was at her friend's house and my dad was working. Only my mother was at home and I took it as my chance to walk to my desk and grab my knife.

I was so incredibly sad and hurt, I couldn't deal with the pain inside. My day was filled with thoughts about suicide and self harm. Some people might have thought I was just being dramatic, but I was actually so hurt that I could barely eat and got crushed inside.

As soon as I thought about George, tears streamed down my face and I sat down on my bed. I started turning the knife around in my hand and sniffed softly as I remembered George's beautiful face, his amazing personality, his tender hugs and his sweet smile.

I would do anything so I could still be friends with him. It hurt a hundred times more than it hurt every other time.

Warning self harm/blood
Warning suicidal thoughts

I put the knife on my skin and made multiple new cuts while I cried my eyes out. I was sobbing so loudly that I got hiccups. I grabbed a napkin to blow my nose with and fell down on my knees on the ground.

I watched the blood stream down my arms and drip down on my floor. I hitched my breath because of how hard I was crying and cut myself another time, sitting back against the wall after that. My suicidal thoughts got so real that I turned my hand around and pushed the knife on my wrist.

I could end my life and get rid of the pain. I couldn't handle this pain anymore and this would be my escape. 

I sighed softly and wanted to push harder as I suddenly heard footsteps on the stairs. I laid the knife down and looked up to see my door open without having the person knock on it.

Warnings over

I looked up and tried to stand up, but I lost too much blood so I immediately fell down on the ground again. I was so busy with trying to hide myself that I didn't even realise who was standing in front of me, but as soon as I realised, my heart seemed to stop.

'G-George, uh- I'm sorry. Uh-.'

'Oh my gosh,' George whispered. 'That's so bad.'

I looked at my arms and shrugged. 'It can be worse. Just some towel and it's fine.'

'Did you do this more often?'

I shrugged and stared at my hands.

'Did this start after I left you?' George muttered.

'Yeah.' I tried to stand up, but George had to help me. I walked off and went to the bathroom to wash my arms and bandage them.

I stared at myself in the mirror and saw my red and puffy eyes with a red nose and red cheeks. I sighed softly and turned back to the door, walking into my room.

I laid down in my bed and George quietly sat down on a chair.

'We need to talk,' George whispered.

'You didn't want to listen to me.' I turned to the wall and pulled the sheets far over myself to hide my arms.

'I want to let you explain,' George mumbled.

'I'll just cry and get ignored again.'

'No, I won't. I'm sorry for that. Please, believe me.'

'Fine, but I'm kicking you out if you're lying.'

George nodded and I sat up, grabbing a hoodie to hide my arms.

'I'm heartbroken, George. I had a really big surprise for you and I was really excited to surprise you with it. That guy knew about the surprise and told me to give it to him or he would spread an edited video of me saying fake things. Because I really wanted you to have the surprise I told him to spread the video I did not know of to start with.'

George nodded slowly and I felt a tear roll down my face again.

'I've always regretted that I fell for his lies, but I loved him and I thought he loved me too. He doesn't even like boys and I've been over him for so long now, but it hurt me a lot because he used me. I would never betray you, I love you so incredibly much and I wanted to do everything for you.'

George didn't say anything anymore.

'I still want to surprise you, but it won't be as special anymore. I know you hate me and see me as a hopeless guy. I'm sorry for not being how you wished me to be. Can you at least tell me why everyone leaves me? I want to better myself.'

'I left because I thought you lied to me.'

'But why didn't you listen to me when I told you I didn't?'

'I don't know,' George muttered. 'I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?'

'Do you believe me now?'

'Well, he sent me videos, telling me they are recent, but your arms are covered in scars so they can't be recent.'

I nodded slowly and lifted myself up. 'Did you mean the things you said to me? I'm sorry that I'm bisexual, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable...'

'Clay, I'm the one who should say sorry. Everything is just a lot and I should have let you explain. I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry.'

I had my face fill with a big smile. 'I still love you so much, I can't stay mad at you.'

1041 words