Chagara - Chaos in the Darkness (Levi x OC Fanfic / AttackOnTitan)

12. "What are we actually talking about?"

Slowly his back moved down the wall. He felt the cold floor through the fabric of his trousers. What had taken him longer? Running the 30 rounds or wiping away the drops of blood in front of which he had sat for ages, experiencing the scene over and over again?

"Maybe that will help you sort out your thoughts," Erwin had said. No, running hadn't helped at all. Because his head was empty. All the time. Levi rubbed his aching legs. A mocking short laugh filled the empty corridor. He, the hope of humanity, sat on the floor outside a storage room at night.

He wanted to apologise. But he had no appropriate words. Wouldn't he make it worse if he tried to apologize with the "wrong" words? Would Chagara even listen to him? She would listen. Why else would she have lied and told the story about the kitchen knife? If it came out that he had attacked her for no reason, there would have been serious consequences for him. 

Several times his head knocked against the hard wall. How calm she had remained. Levi wondered if it was because of those special trainings. So she had been completely alone outside the walls for several days without comrades. Slowly goose bumps spread on his arms. Would he have been able to do that? Alone out there?

Levi looked at the closed door in front of him. Not a ray of light came from under the door. She was asleep. That was good. She was struggling out there, alone out there, and she could still sleep. That was why he couldn't knock. Should he talk with her tomorrow after her training with Mike? Should he wait that long? Or maybe she was in the infirmary after all. Maybe she should stay for observation. Should he check?

"Check, come back, check if it continues to be quiet in her room. If so, talk with her in the morning," Levi planned his next steps in his mind and stood up. If it was strange if he was already waiting for her in the morning in front of her room?

The wind whipped against the roof tiles. No one was out in the corridors as Levi made his way to the infirmary. Should he stop in the kitchen to make tea? But he didn't know yet whether she was actually in the infirmary, nor whether she was still awake, and certainly not whether she would be happy about his presence. "Probably not," Levi thought and ran his hand over his tired eyes.

Why had she made up the story about the kitchen knife? Why hadn't she fought back when he had attacked her? Why had he attacked her? Why was she talking to Erwin and not to him? Did she like Erwin? But she had said she didn't like tall and blond guys. But maybe she had only been thinking of Mike? But if she liked Erwin, why had she broken the military policeman's finger because of him? As he was about to walk past the dining room, he stopped. Something moved in the darkness.

Someone was sitting by the window wrapped in a blanket. One hand was bandaged. Chagara? Was she sleeping here on two chairs? Why?

"Ayumi?" he heard a voice from across the room.

Levi hid in his dark corner.

"Stevie?" She sounded sad.

"Why did you set up your night camp here?" Steve sat down at Ayumi's table and did the same as she had done. He rested his legs on a second chair and swung his blanket over him.

"The window in my room won't close after all. And the wind whips the rain into my bed. It's drier here," she explained, trying to smile. "And you?"

"They all snore. So I emigrated," Steve sighed. "Is that tea?" Steve pointed to the cup in front of Ayumi.

"Just hot water."

"Huh?"

"The kitchen's already closed."

"That didn't stop you before, did it?"

"It used to, Stevie. But it's different times now. We're not supposed to stand out, you know," she spoke sadly and pushed the hot drink towards him. Steve accepted it gratefully.

"And the tea you bought at the market on New Year's Eve?"

"Was a gift."

Levi lost a heartbeat. Had the tea been for Erwin? Was it the peppermint tea he had drunk today?

"Oh." Steve took a sip. "For someone special?"

Chagara chewed her lip. "Mmm."

"So?"

"Don't ask," she began sadly. "I was so stupid to left the tin open on my bedside table. By the time I got back from the infirmary, it was pouring. Everything wet." Ayumi rested her arms on her knees.

"And when it dries?"

Ayumi just shook her head. "I don't think it tastes good anymore. Besides, I've already thrown it away."

"Mmm. I'm sure the person would have appreciated your gesture in these times," Steve tried to cheer her up.

"Would be nice. But he seems totally infatuated with tea. So it would have ended in stress again."

"Erwin infatuated with tea?", Levi's eyebrows furrowed at the thought. Erwin did drink tea, but not as enthusiastically as he did. "Wait a minute!" Levi's eyes widened as he felt the rapid beats of his heart.

"Again? He doesn't like you?" Steve looked at her in disbelief.

Ayumi shrugged her shoulders. "I don't think so."

"What an idiot. How can anyone not like you?", Steve tried to cheer her up.

"Stevie, I need to focus on tomorrow. Can we change the topic?"

"Sorry. It's just... It's just the first time we've talked about... What are we actually talking about? Feelings? Love? Relationship desires?"

"Steviee! This is awkward." Ayumi rested her head on her arms.

"Sorry, but it's just the first time we've had such a conversation."

"And you're keeping quiet about it?," she asked timid.

"Sure!" replied Steve. "You can count on me." He took another sip of hot water and pushed the cup back towards Chagara. "But then it's not someone from our team."

"No."

Steve looked at her for a long moment. "I have a suspicion."

"Keep this one to yourself."

Steve shook his head in disbelief. "What do you see in him?"

"In who? Name him," it flashed through Levi's mind. "Name mine!"

"Stevie, as I said. Change of topic. We have to leave tomorrow. I need to get into my tunnel vision. No distractions. Got it?"

"What?", that inner voice screamed. "You have to leave tomorrow? You're not staying here? You're leaving the walls?" Levi leaned against the wall.

"Mean, vicious, poisonous, brutal. I can't think of a good description. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?," Steve brought out in a rage.

"You're only echoing rumours," was all Ayumi said as she glanced at him from the side.

"Oh, and you know what he's really like?"

"Not exactly yet. But I'll figure it out. And I have already seen nice manners." She smiled.

"Ayumi, don't hurt yourself."

Levi leaned his head against the cool wall. Sighing, he closed his eyes.

"I don't think it'll be as dangerous as climbing inside Titans. Speaking of Titans. Should I go out in a training suit tomorrow or put my gear on over a uniform that's too big?"

"You still don't have a uniform that fits?" Steve looked at her, stunned.

"No."

"Then please take the training suit, that fits. Not that the big clothes will limit you when things are about to get serious."

"Okay. But my cape is too big too. Is that bad too?"

"When you're done dressing tomorrow, come see me. I'll take a look."

Levi opened his eyes.

"Okay. Night, Stevie."

"Night, Ayumi. Sleep well."

"You too."

Neither Chagara nor Steve had noticed their observer. The latter had now quietly started his way back, because he had something to do.